Taming Difficult People in the Workplace

Whether they’re at work or at home, “difficult people” can make you want to run the other way. But that’s mainly because you don’t know how to deal with them. Today we’re going to have a crash course on how to deal with two types of difficult people. Remember that difficult people do what they do simply because they can—you're going to learn how to interrupt their patterns and make it unpleasant or impossible for them to continue their toxic behavior.

The Drama Queen/King

Some people are addicted to drama and they want to tell you all about their latest crisis or how they are being mistreated. Here’s how to tame them:

Beat them at their own game: Interrupt them within sixty seconds with your own mini-drama. Say, “I’m sorry, but I just remembered I’m an hour late getting back to a coworker, and he’s never going to let me forget this. I have to take care of this immediately.”

Limit their time: “Jim, I know you’re upset about not being invited to the meeting this morning. I have exactly five minutes, but please, go on…”

Hold them accountable: “Roberta, I’m sorry to hear about that. What are you planning on doing to make your situation better?” (You’ll have to use this phrase, or a variation of it over and over, for it to take effect—it will take some time for them to realize you're not going allow them to hold you hostage.)

The Sabotager

Do you have someone who seems to take delight in undermining your work? He or she might just happen to “forget” to copy you on an important email, they might question your motives in a meeting or perhaps they praise you to your face only to gossip about you behind your back. Here’s how to protect yourself:

Talk to them immediately: The longer you wait the more you enable them. 

Give the saboteur the benefit of the doubt the first or second time: Anything more and you know their behavior isn’t just a “slip” or a “mistake.” 

Document their behavior: Make your notes as soon as you can and include the time of the behavior and any possible witnesses. 

Talk to his boss or H.R. (or both): If the behavior continues, you will be glad you have documentation.

- Alan Allard, Executive Coach