4 Things You Need to Know About Difficult People

Twelve years ago I travelled the country speaking on the topic of how to deal with “difficult people” in the workplace. It was one of my more popular workshops because almost everyone works with a difficult person or two. Today I'm going to share four things you need to know to empower yourself when it comes to difficult people—and tomorrow we'll look at specific types of difficult people and what to do with each one. 

It isn’t your fault, but it is your responsibility

You’re not to blame that you have a co-worker that is constantly negative and pessimistic. It’s not your fault that your company tolerates a bully. However, it is your responsibility to learn how to handle yourself around such people if your company tolerates them. Here's a book that will help you: Coping WIth Difficult People, Robert M. Branson, P.hD.

Difficult people are difficult because…

Why are some people hard to get along with? Why do we have drama queens/kings? There’s more than one answer to that, but the short answer is, difficult people do what they do simply because they can. In their mind, what they’re doing is working and they're getting away with it, so why change it?

When you change, they will change

It’s true you can’t change another person—but you can help someone see how it’s in their best interest to change themselves. When you change how you relate to and communicate with your difficult person, they will have to change in some way to respond to your new attitude and behavior.

Don’t waste your opportunity

I’ve often told clients if they have to deal with a difficult situation, to not waste it. They might as well get something in return for it. When it comes to difficult people, consider them an opportunity to grow personally and professionally. Get rid of the buttons they’ve been pushing and grow your ability to communicate with anyone and everyone—even the difficult ones.

- Alan Allard, Executive Coach