How Does Shame Get in the Way of Pleasure?

“How does shame get in the way of us enjoying our bodies? Not just between lovers, but in all relationships?”

This week, Dr. Sellers gives common scenarios to help us identify how we let shame steal the joy of our bodies and life–even with all their imperfections. These mindsets apply to anyone who had spent time in a shame-based culture, whether married or not. 

If you’re wondering if you have ever spent time in a shame based culture, think through this brief list of questions (skip to minute 43, where Dale shares Brené Brown’s list–I’m thrilled that his interview with The Outsiders has already garnered 700 downloads). 

Thanks to Jessica for her comment asking about how unmarried and uncoupled “purity culture kids” can heal from sexual rigidity and shame-based churches. 

In addition to this week on shame, the video I’ll share next week includes ways sexual abuse and spiritual abuse are linked–and what healing from both will require of us. I appreciate Jessica raising her question to inspire these two weeks of videos.

If reading via email, click here to watch.

Let’s discuss: What’s one area of imperfection you hesitate to let anyone see?  Do you think that if you exposed this area, even to one close friend, you would find healing from shame? Feel free to comment anonymously. For me, it’s the area of anxiety revolving around having company. I just don’t feel like I should have such a hard time inviting people into my home. But, I do.

Click here for being mismatched in lovemaking.

Click here for abuse recovery.

Click here for purity kids and sexual disfunction.

Click here for honeymoons for the formerly-abstinent.

Click here for duty sex.

Click here for male and female sex drives.

Click here for Jesus’ sexual ethic.

Click here for shutting down shame in marriage.

What’s this summer series all about?

This summer, I’ll be sharing short videos taken from my two hour Emerald City interview on “Shame, Intimacy and Sex Ed” with Christian sex therapist, Dr. Tina Schermer Sellers. You’ve already seen her at RubySlippers’ posts and interviews. See part one.

Because of Dr. Sellers practical concern that Christians understand that God created erotic desires, Tina is one of the best sources I’ve found in helping me navigate the pillow talk between me and my husband.

Dr. Sellers is a wife, mother, professor, founder of ThankGodForSex.org, certified sex therapist, and licensed family and marriage therapist. Those last two are a dynamic duo of credentials that are rarely seen together. And the lack of professionals who practice both family/marriage and sex therapies is a big problem for those of us who want thriving marriages and thriving sex lives. Thank God for Tina!  I particularly love the way she lives a sexual intimacy that she teaches (My Love List for My Husband . . . And Why Gratefulness is Good for the Heart). Follow her blog and thoughts @TinaSSellers.