Welcome to Finals Week (Also Known as HELL WEEK)

Currently, I’m suffering through finals week.

Good news: I’m more than halfway done. I turned in my Sosc paper (which was a piece of fucking shit, but hey, shitty papers are nothing new and I’m just glad I won’t ever have to write about Nietzsche or Plato again) and my creative writing final project.

Bad news: What I have left is my Analysis final and I am fucked.

As I read my notes, I ask myself, WHY DID I SKIP SO MANY CLASSES?

Motivation, where have you gone?

Hope, where have you gone?

(This is what attending the University of Chicago does to you.

I HATE YOU, UCHICAGO.

Just kidding, I love you.

Though I do kind of really hate you.)

EVERYTHING IS A FUCKING MATRIX. MEAN VALUE THEOREM, WHY ARE YOU EVERYWHERE?

And my diet has gone to shit. Fried bananas, Campbell’s chicken noodle soup, pizza, brownies, burgers – my fat jeans are starting to feel a little tight…

Just kidding. I ceased to fit into my fat jeans a long time ago.

And I’ve been distracted. Like, hello, how the fuck can I focus on my finals when THE FUCKING CLEVELAND (my fucking city, man) CAVALIERS ARE IN THE NBA FINALS?!

It’s been way too long since Cleveland has even come close to winning a sports championship.

LeBron, if you bring us a championship, all will be forgiven and we can forget that you ever played for the Miami Heat.

Seriously, I’ve been watching the games and I actually get somewhat physically ill whenever it looks like the Warriors might win the game.

BUT CLEVELAND IS CURRENTLY LEADING! 2-1, BITCHES!

Normally, I don’t care about sports, but when it comes to Cleveland, I care a lot. I loathe my city, but it’s MY CITY, so I can loathe and love it at the same time.

Also, some sketchy pop psychology – maybe I so desperately need Cleveland to win because I so desperately need something that’s not a failure in my life.

#depression

Speaking of depressing things…

My vibrator broke. It wasn’t unexpected. I mean, for a while, it was making disturbingly loud and screechy noises. And the base was almost completely torn off. But still, why did it have to break during finals week, when I so desperately need some tender loving care?

I guess that’s what I get for buying a $7 vibrator…

Because I’m a lady with some serious needs (and a serious lack of a man in my life), I went on Amazon and decided to splurge on a sturdy-looking $25 vibrator and paid for same day shipping. Lily can’t stand the thought of going more than 24 hours without jacking off.

Okay, back to math…

:(

-_-

>.<

>_<

O.o