A Poem By Ruby The Dog: I’m A Badass in Love

I’m A Badass In Love
by Ruby the Dog

 

 

There’s this mutt at doggie day care
Name’s Hugo
He’s a bad dog, you know what I mean
Breaks out of the play area
Goes for the treat display by the front door
Gets off-leash in the dog park, too
He’s a bad boy
He’s my man

 

We play together
Rough-house, you know how it is
I may not have ovaries, but dammit, I have instinct
And that instinct says one thing: MINE

 

But then…
Hugo turns into a little two-timing bastard!
A new dog joins doggie daycare
She’s a girlie poodle bitch named Isis
Yeah, like the terrorists

 

Hugo tries to play with her
Wrong, choice, my friend!
I grab his collar with my teeth and drag him off
Girl’s gotta take care of what’s hers, you know?
She still doesn’t get the message

 

So Hugo naps on a window ledge at daycare
I guard that spot like it’s my job
Isis sneaks in
Back off, you fluffy little fool!
Isis gets too close, I flatten her curly poodle ass
I’m a Golden Retriever, dammit!

 

I didn’t leave any marks on Isis
None you can see anyway
Because when you feel like this?
There’s no stay, sit or heel
I’m a badass in love

 

Ruby the Dog, wagging her tail as she takes Hugo down

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