Conflicting with your kids over summer academics? Often, we do know best.
Last year I purchased the coolest looking toaster I’d ever seen—the Magimix. Loaded with super-fancy features and frills, my toaster toasts both bread and bagels to perfection.
Last night, Navin, my electronically savvy 24–year-old son—needing a carb boost before his workout—decided to slip in a second piece of bread while the first one was toasting. Much to his dismay, it ended in the wrong slot, right on top of the heating coil. Within seconds, we had a tiny, smelly smoke cloud above our toaster, as the slice mated with the hot coil.
Navin quickly disconnected the cord and moved the toaster to an open space. As the toaster cooled off a bit, I flipped it upside down in the hope of getting the burnt toast off the coil and out of the toaster. No luck there. The bread would not budge.
“There’s got to be another way to do this, Mom,” said Navin.
“I know there is!” I responded. “This front glass panel actually flips open. I just can’t figure out how. I’ve only used that feature once before.”
An aha moment! I quickly reached into my drawer of operation manuals and began pulling them out, fishing for the one that belonged to our Magimix.
“Did you find it?” asked Navin, who was right behind me.
“Yup,” I answered, as I handed it to him.
In the few seconds it took me to put the other owners’ manuals back in the drawer and close it, my son had already opened the glass panel!
“How’d you do that so fast?” I asked him. “There aren’t even any pictures in this manual.”
“You should know, Mom. You’re the one who forced me to take those awful speed-reading classes two summers in a row!”
“Yes, I did, didn’t I!” I replied with a big wink.
“You did, and I’m so grateful for it today. I know I gave you a really hard time both summers, but I want you know that it was best gift you gave me. Without it, I don’t know how I would have gotten through school or college. And just so you know, even at work now, I can go through product-training material and customer notes super fast. My colleagues are all shocked at how speedy I am.”
Years ago, when Navin got to middle school, it had become more and more apparent to me that he disliked reading. His grades in subjects that required a lot of reading started to drop, and he almost never finished his reading assignments. I started to get concerned about how he would get through high school and college, if he hated to read. When I found these classes in our local college’s summer brochure, I knew I had to try to help him help himself, and I made an executive decision to enroll him.
From a parental perspective, it was super challenging! I remember those grueling days when my son pushed back hard about those “stupid” speed-reading classes that I made mandatory. I know he hated sitting in a classroom over summer break, four hours a day, five days a week, for six weeks. I knew how hard this was for my visual, right-brain learner. My response to his attitude was, “I know this is hard, but I promise it will help you through your academic years. I promise you it will be worth it.”
I rewarded him for his efforts every day. I got creative with fun treats and play dates after class. I even bribed my daughter to join the classes with him. I promised her a shopping spree to Limited Too—then the hottest place to shop for teenage girls. (And actually, Navin saw the benefits of the classes as soon as school started. So the second summer was a lot easier.)
Yes, I broke all the psychologist-recommended guidelines of parenting two summers in a row. I let my son feel like he was doing me a favor, more often than not. I tolerated his silly tantrums. I bit my tongue every time I got impatient and wanted to fire back. The only thing I did not tolerate was disrespect. Navin crossed the line just once—with language. Other than that, I vowed to allow him to complain and vent as much as he needed to. When I started to lose it, I’d play my inner mantra: “He’s only complaining. Let him.”
And look at him now! Still reaping the benefits while being grateful! Well worth the effort, don’t you think?
So all you parents out there who are getting ready to enroll your children in summer camps and classes that they’re not looking forward to, trust your instinct. Stay with it, and be patient. As long you know you’re doing it for the greater good, it will be well worth it. If your kids commit to the challenge, even unwillingly, you can commit to letting them complain and vent. And for those moments when your patience is tested, you can turn to my life-saving, patience-inducing, favorite parenting phrase, “When you are right, practice being kind, first!”
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