Teaching Moments: Tunnel Vision vs Peripheral Vision
Many parents have survived that dreaded call from the school alerting them to something their child did that they wouldn’t approve of. Whether it was stealing another student’s pencil, talking too much in class, or picking a fight with another child on the playground, there are moments where you just want to throw up your hands and wonder where you went wrong. While these might seem minor, there are some parents who have also received the “cheating” call.
When you have found out your child cheated on a test, it can be like your world suddenly stands still. Your feelings will most likely run the gamut from embarrassment to complete anger. Of course you didn’t raise your child to do something like this.
I was so embarrassed when the principal told me what happened. I literally wanted to bury my head in the sand and stay there for a few days.
How could he even think of doing such a thing? What the h&*% was he thinking.
Often, the incident becomes less about them and their feelings and more about you and yours. Take a step back, breathe, and be silent. Think about how you would answer these questions.
What can you do about this incident now that it has already passed?
Did your child apologize?
Did the school reprimand him/her for it?
Are you embarrassed about this? Is your child embarrassed?
Do you think he/she will do it again? Was a lesson learned?
So how can you get past this and move on?
Children usually cheat because they have a fear of not doing well, a fear that they will disappoint their parents, their teachers, themselves. As their parent, it is up to you to figure out whether they just didn’t study enough or if they honestly don’t understand the material. Some kids struggle with the pressure of taking tests. When our children are afraid, they get trapped in a tunnel of fear. First the fear of not doing well, then the fear of getting caught, then the fear of facing all the adults, then the fear of the wrath of anger he would face from the parents, then the fear of facing his peers and teacher in going back to school. A dark tunnel of fear!
When situations as such occur with our kids—which they will—it is important that parents do not enter this tunnel of fear with their own agenda creating more chaos! When our children are sitting in this dark place, with tunnel-vision, unable to see outside of their own remorse and consequences, it is important for us to remember to be the one with the peripheral-vision. Keep your eye on the bigger picture. Having the presence of mind and courage to do this is what ushers in light into the darkness of fear.
Our job, when kids make mistakes, is first and foremost, to address and reiterate the lesson learned. If we enter this space of negativity with them, how does that benefit anyone? More so, when parents develop tunnel-vision habits of creating their own stories of fear around their children’s, it breaks down communication, hinders the relationship and pinches trust in the parent-child relationship. Long term, it teaches children to handle their own life-issues in the same manner. What a waste of valuable teaching moments!
Be the champion of your children’s trips and falls by keeping your peripheral vision active and handholding and loving them out of their dark tunnel vision. This is the only way to teach them to learn from life’s challenges, not through a camera lens, but through eyes wide open.
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