Is It a Broken Heart or an Emotional Wringer?
It does me less good to have a broken heart, than when I go through an 'emotional wringer'. A broken heart will paralyze, but going through a 'wringer' will change something about me.
Fighting the battle of an uphill climb means that when darkness comes I will not be afraid. "Tearing-up" at the theme to "Rocky" shows that I identify with the underdog as he takes blows and drives himself to the extreme. Fearlessness and emotion can team up to be a formidable force.
If instead, I feel sorry for myself, then I will not even try to live properly. I will be irresponsible and not speak or act right. In no way will I accept myself or listen to sensible others. My efforts (or trials) will in no way match any honest emotion coming out of me. I will be isolated and lost.
To prevent this I have to have my emotions and actions be shown in concert as they are displayed. To be believable there should not be schisms in my demeanor. Yet, sometimes when I feel in conflict -- I become irritable and agitated. This only means that something is bothering the status quo in my mind. Perhaps I have asked for too much -- perhaps I expect too much.
In simple terms I would listen and help you if you asked me. I love my wife. To help others we are "two-together" facing the world. Right now I am going to write about my pain until I decide to 'Do' something beneficial. Taking it to the maximum means that I need contact with people I care about. Bill Wilson stated that St. Francis of Assisi went through the "Emotional Wringer" much like many alcoholics do. To help others means to work in situations where we all will benefit from giving and receiving with one another.
Leslie, my wife, tells me that during some Thanksgiving in the future she would like to spoon out vegetables on plates in a soup kitchen. What she doesn't know is that positions like that are coveted. But her desire is there and I will stand by her. We both know that it is essential to make plans and keep going. My 'gratitude list' is somewhat different -- I would like to encourage others to go through the process of life where they will benefit by working on a team. Succinctly put, I would like to be a coach. (I have dreamed of being a water polo coach, and although it is unlikely, considering my past -- it isn't entirely impossible.) It would be nice to see a group of individuals work together and make gains toward a common goal.
I have been depressed of late. Primarily this has been caused by isolation from others and 'lofty' goals that I have expected myself to achieve. I feel that the only way I can relieve myself of depression is by walking through the steps I have planned.
Health comes in the details:
(1) I have to interview with the Delaware Division of Vocational Rehabilitation for possible school or employment. I need to complete their application.
(2) I must prepare my book --Bob Does Everything Backwards: Writing Out of an Illness
to be made into a print version. With editorial changes there may be a possibility of further publication. Even if there is not this possibility -- at the least there can be closure on the work.
(3) I need to tell people like Mr. Michael Tucker, Mr. Andrew Miller, Dr. Michael Wahl and others that I am available for work. I need to get the word out that I am looking for employment.
(4) I will complete my application to University of Southern California at Davis for online studies towards a Masters in Aging Services. It is true that I would need financial aid but I would not know if I would qualify until I applied to the school.
By writing this list of what I have to do I am not as depressed. Nothing is promised -- but no one really knows the future. There are chances that life could get better for our small family.
The family of my youth -- my original family -- remains 3,000 miles distant. It is inevitable that I will never be with them in a constant way again. "Let go and let God."
Therefore I will be an outsider here in Delaware until the details of my life take root. To feel part of the Delaware community I need to share my life honestly and be good friends with others. To be part of a new family I have to give love.
Peace to you,
Sincerely,
Robert N. Franz
Fighting the battle of an uphill climb means that when darkness comes I will not be afraid. "Tearing-up" at the theme to "Rocky" shows that I identify with the underdog as he takes blows and drives himself to the extreme. Fearlessness and emotion can team up to be a formidable force.
If instead, I feel sorry for myself, then I will not even try to live properly. I will be irresponsible and not speak or act right. In no way will I accept myself or listen to sensible others. My efforts (or trials) will in no way match any honest emotion coming out of me. I will be isolated and lost.
To prevent this I have to have my emotions and actions be shown in concert as they are displayed. To be believable there should not be schisms in my demeanor. Yet, sometimes when I feel in conflict -- I become irritable and agitated. This only means that something is bothering the status quo in my mind. Perhaps I have asked for too much -- perhaps I expect too much.
In simple terms I would listen and help you if you asked me. I love my wife. To help others we are "two-together" facing the world. Right now I am going to write about my pain until I decide to 'Do' something beneficial. Taking it to the maximum means that I need contact with people I care about. Bill Wilson stated that St. Francis of Assisi went through the "Emotional Wringer" much like many alcoholics do. To help others means to work in situations where we all will benefit from giving and receiving with one another.
Leslie, my wife, tells me that during some Thanksgiving in the future she would like to spoon out vegetables on plates in a soup kitchen. What she doesn't know is that positions like that are coveted. But her desire is there and I will stand by her. We both know that it is essential to make plans and keep going. My 'gratitude list' is somewhat different -- I would like to encourage others to go through the process of life where they will benefit by working on a team. Succinctly put, I would like to be a coach. (I have dreamed of being a water polo coach, and although it is unlikely, considering my past -- it isn't entirely impossible.) It would be nice to see a group of individuals work together and make gains toward a common goal.
I have been depressed of late. Primarily this has been caused by isolation from others and 'lofty' goals that I have expected myself to achieve. I feel that the only way I can relieve myself of depression is by walking through the steps I have planned.
Health comes in the details:
(1) I have to interview with the Delaware Division of Vocational Rehabilitation for possible school or employment. I need to complete their application.
(2) I must prepare my book --Bob Does Everything Backwards: Writing Out of an Illness
to be made into a print version. With editorial changes there may be a possibility of further publication. Even if there is not this possibility -- at the least there can be closure on the work.(3) I need to tell people like Mr. Michael Tucker, Mr. Andrew Miller, Dr. Michael Wahl and others that I am available for work. I need to get the word out that I am looking for employment.
(4) I will complete my application to University of Southern California at Davis for online studies towards a Masters in Aging Services. It is true that I would need financial aid but I would not know if I would qualify until I applied to the school.
By writing this list of what I have to do I am not as depressed. Nothing is promised -- but no one really knows the future. There are chances that life could get better for our small family.
The family of my youth -- my original family -- remains 3,000 miles distant. It is inevitable that I will never be with them in a constant way again. "Let go and let God."
Therefore I will be an outsider here in Delaware until the details of my life take root. To feel part of the Delaware community I need to share my life honestly and be good friends with others. To be part of a new family I have to give love.
Peace to you,
Sincerely,
Robert N. Franz
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