The Shitty Elf: Give Her a Negligee

There is an argument to be made against gifting loungewear to friends. There is also one to be made against calling it loungewear, but I digress.

For an article of under-cloth so intimate, who’s to say that you, or me, know what interests the receiving party? While she is in a state of +1, perhaps the gift is seen as a good faith gesture, one that reinstates her commitment to coitus, underscored by your approval. But when said friend is single, the question of whether providing her with a negligee gratis is just a blaring reminder that she is still single presents itself. Does she even care about what she wears to sleep? Does she care that you are thinking about what she wears to sleep? Is this “gift” being processed as a cruel joke that runs counter to your stance as her lone matriarchal support system?

The Shitty Elf says no. He also says to stop being so damn dramatic and just drop it like it’s hot — because she is hot and dammit, Charlie, her pillows deserve to know it. Remind her to celebrate oneness with the gift that says, tonight, it’s just me, so let’s crease the shit out of this silk thing and call it an “Under Cover” Holiday Party.

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