Cyber Monday vs. Siberia

What would you rather talk about: Cyber Monday or Siberia? On the topic of Siberia, there is a book, which incidentally came out toward the end of October, called “Midnight in Siberia: A Train Journey into the Heart of Russia,” being discussed on Yahoo. I did not read it and as a result have no opinion formed.

On Cyber Monday, however, I can share the following visceral, if not vaguely antithetical reactions:

1. If I see one more tweet promoting percentage points off [insert expensive item that is still expensive but not as expensive as it was before here], I will publicly match the aforementioned percent off of my own head via self-amputation. This seems absurd considering the simple fact that I am the only one who will have to endure pain to bring this point/lesson home while the rest of my digital comrades go on shopping.

2. On the other hand, it’s just so hard to look away! Or talk about anything else! Or focus on anything else! When Shoescribe tells me shoes are 40% off and because it’s Cyber Monday, you can expect an additional 25% off, I have to wonder whether the answer to the age old question, “How many sneakers are too many sneakers” maintains a plausible/finite answer. And also, leopard print!

2a. If we’re talking reasons to defend Cyber Monday, 15% off* these socks is a really good one.

*I am such a hypocrite

3. According to Bloomberg, Black Friday sales were down 11% this year, totaling dollars spent on the infamous consumerist birthday to one billion. Does this make it our duty to match that amount with the day’s younger cousin, Cyber Monday, to ensure that it eclipses said older cousin? Just a thought. Feather breasts, anyone?

4. The first day back to work post-Thanksgiving is a frustrating reminder of your indolence. You said you’d go to the gym, you did not. You said you’d clean your closet. There is a mountain of sweaters (none of which include this) comfortably settled right next to your bed. You thought about a manicure and maybe treating yourself to a back rub but just a few short hours into the alpha-Monday, your shoulder blades feel like they are carrying the weight of your entire body and your nails are so brittle it is a true medical marvel they are even still attached to your fingers.

But don’t think about that. Don’t think about any of it. Instead, throw your some shade at yourself for having thought you might get through the most elaborate consumerist trap of the year and spend the money you said you wouldn’t. Or don’t! Simply let Shopping Cart Syndrome lead the way. We’ll get the ball rolling and as a team, share our respective list of Top 5 Wants (cue slideshow) in anticipation that you will share yours.

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I understand that I already requested this from you on Friday but I defer to point #3.