Babies Who Literally Can’t Even

Queen of the celebrity babies (or potential-future-actual-Queen if that whole monarchy thing makes a comeback), North West, has a stylist. As in, her own stylist — an employed person whose sole job is to dress a toddler for public appearances. Considering the fact that I have fully developed motor skills yet still can’t get dressed without having an existential crisis, I’m jealous. I could use a stylist too, you know.


The worst part is that North West doesn’t seem to appreciate her wardrobe. She’s always crying about it.


northtears


Come to think of it, babies never appreciate their wardrobes. They’re always taking off those strawberry hats that probably took someone’s grandma at least 4 hours of Murder She Wrote to knit. They hate socks. Pants? I mean who hates pants that snap off? No one. Except babies. And when it comes to high fashion, they’re even worse. Have you ever seen a glossy, couture-packed magazine editorial featuring a baby who’s actually smiling? Probably not.


So what’s their deal? Why do babies hate fashion and the accompanying magazine spreads so much? A few hypotheses:


1. They’re cold. When they’re not completely naked in fashion magazines, babies are at most topless in a pair of teeny tiny (so cute) jeans. Meanwhile, the women holding them are always dressed to the nines. They would like an on-trend cape, at the very least.


2. They’re afraid they’re hitting their peak under 3 years old.


3. They didn’t make the cover.


4. Fashion is frivolous; they have block towers to knock down.


5. They could have pulled off the veil and PVC skirt combo better than the model holding them.


6. There is only green juice and, like, six grapes at craft services. Where’s the milk? Where’s the smashed bananas mixed with yams? They’re hungry.


7. They were told that extensions don’t work with their current hair situation.


8. Would it have killed the stylist to add a red lip?


9. They can’t read and don’t have credit cards, so being featured in a magazine isn’t even exciting.


10. Like North, they want to be their own stylists.


Or who knows. Maybe they’re just total babies.


(And now, if you feel so inclined, since babies can’t speak but definitely have an opinion, caption your pick for most over-it baby in the comments below.)

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Published on October 09, 2014 06:00
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