Denim PSA Pt. II: These Seem Like a Solid Alternative to Time Travel

I wear a pair of jeans that I have been told are a terrible idea by carriers of the Y chromosome (this includes my own husband, four out of five brothers — two have adopted their relationships to me by marriage — my father and at least 15 men I don’t actually know but who feel comfortable enough to comment on the state of my legs while they’re in pants) for as long as I’ve had them. They are these:

What is particularly interesting about the posterior jeans is that when I am in the presence of double x-carriers, the inverse reaction is rendered in what I like to call a fupa fest for the women, by the women. I’ve had at least twelve female strangers ask me where I got my jeans.

My own close friends have tried to steal them from my closet and one designer who shall remain nameless took their measurements in order to approximate them for her own line. Of course, the male reaction is immediately cancelled out when considering the female reaction but the sad reality is, they’re impossible to find.

I’ve had them since 2009, when by a fluke, I bought them from The Outnet thinking they were another pair of skinnier pants. When they came, I wondered how I’d wear them — whether with their awkward leg length (they hit just two inches above ground) they’d look okay with heels or flat shoes. Then the 70s came roaring in and just like that: throw me a turtleneck, a v-neck sweater, some white sneakers and at last: no better jeans have ever walked the interwebs. Until, that is, last Monday found me moseying through ASOS.com where I found this pair for $66 moonlighting as a solid alternative to both time travel and the departed Outnet jeans.

So bad, they’re good — you know? And because I am your BFF, here are also complimenting garments to wear with your jeans. Chin chin, cheers cheers.

[image error]
Turn on your JavaScript to view content