I Am Not Perfect: A Travel Back in Time

I know reviewing as an author has made me a pretty controversial figure on this site. Particularly since I've become (in)famous for tearing apart the books I don't like in the name of jealousy satire.

*cough*

Because I am an author, I can't be trusted. Because us authors are sneaky people who want you to buy our books (*GASP* OH LAND, THE HORROR!).

So, as the logic goes, I must only review books negatively because I am trying to destroy the careers of my competitors. Because this is SPARTA GOODREADS, MO-FOS! TASTE MY BOOT! MUAHAHAHAHAHA!*

*No authors were booted in the writing of this blog post.

But here's the thing. I don't think I'm perfect.

Really, I don't.

I'm not one of those authors who rates her own books, because I don't think that's classy (and me, I'm so classy I shit pearls, you know), but if I did, I would rate them as follows:

Fearscape: ***
Horrorscape: ***
Terrorscape: ***

Cloak and Dagger: ** 1/2
Armed and Dangerous: ***
Locked and Loaded: ** 1/2

Tantalized: * (hahaha--fail, Nenia)

Endgame: ***

Wishing Stars: ****1/2 (I really like this one, & sometimes I despair of writing anything this decent again)

Bleeds My Desire: ***

Black Beast: ****

I like writing, but I'll be the first to admit that I have problems. (No, not problems like that...actually yeah, those too. But that's not what we're discussing right now) My books will never live up to the shiny, unattainable ideal in my head. And then there's the fact that I don't have an editor. Up until recently, I didn't even have a beta. (You can credit Wart for that.) Some people like my descriptive writing style. Others find it unbearably pretentious. It's up to you! That's the beauty of the reading experience.

As a writer, you have two choices when someone writes you a bad review: you can get defensive, or you can laugh. I choose to laugh. "Your books suck!" you say. "I know!" I say back. "Preaching to the choir, buddy! Tell me something I don't know!"

But I'm not a defeatist. I love writing, even if I don't think of myself as particularly good at it. (I don't write for the Pulitzer, obviously. I'm largely inspired by the Point Horror books I read as a teen and the bodice rippers I read now...which, now that I think about it, probably goes a long way towards explaining why my heroes are so f*cked up.)

This is why every positive review I get always comes as a delightful surprise. Someone read my book...and DIDN'T HATE IT? Oh my God, I feel like a kid on Christmas morning! YAYYYY!!! Does a kid have to be a saint to get a present on Christmas morning? No. But they have to at least try. It's the same with writing. You don't have to be the best of the best to get a positive rating, you just have to strike a chord with someone--and write just well enough that somebody finds you entertaining.

And, going back to the whole me-the-author-writing-negative-reviews-of-other-authors thing, that's why I review the way I do. Entertainment. I reviewed on Goodreads for about four years before I began publishing my own work, and I feel like I would be disappointing those who followed me for my reviews if I gave it up cold turkey. I do my best to compartmentalize, and yeah, even if I'm not totally unbiased, I think I come pretty close. There are some writers I don't really like as people who I still gave high ratings because their book was good. And there are some writers who I think are the next best thing to awesomesauce who I gave low ratings because I didn't like their book. If you are an author and reading this, know that the rating I give you is not my evaluation of you as a person. And unless you give me a reason to give up on your books, I'll probably pick up another one to give you another shot at this whole thing--so prove me wrong! :)

You're probably wondering what inspired this post. It was Jenny Trout's latest awesome blog post. It really made me think about my own reviews, and the way people view me as a reviewer who also happens to write books (or vice-versa). (If you haven't read it, you really should. She's pretty much my hero right now. Everything that comes out of her computer is win.)

So--I'm going to open up the floor, I suppose! What do you think about authors who review books? When you rate books, do you take author behavior into account or do you try your best to be impartial? And what would you do for a Klondike bar?