What I Wish All My Students Knew #1 - Failure is Okay
I’ve had the pleasure of teaching quite a few students over the years, and there are some things that I just wish they knew before they came to class. Some of these things are simple, and some are complicated. But all of them would have helped.
Let me start off with something that might sound trite: it’s okay to fail. I know a lot of students have heard that, but I’m not sure they understand what it means. So, let me break it down. Failure isn’t about losing, it’s about learning. Here’s what failing can teach you:
- Failing can help you identify where you’ve made mistakes or don’t understand something. Do not be afraid or ashamed to ask your teacher to go through your exam or essay with you. Most teachers are happy to do that. I know it hurts to have your mistakes pointed out, but that’s the only way you’ll learn what you did wrong so you can do better. I remember when I got an absolutely appalling grade on one of my essays in university. I was so embarrassed about it, but I still went to my tutor and asked them to explain what I’d done wrong. After an hour of having my mistakes pointed out (one of the most awkward experiences in my life), I had a much better grasp of the topic. I ended up doing extremely well in the final exam, and I attribute a large part of that to having my mistakes pointed out so that I could shore up my weaknesses.
- Failing doesn’t have to break your spirit. It’s all right to feel sad or angry about failing. It’s very disappointing to work hard for something only to not get it. But don’t let those emotions get in the way - use them. When I failed in something, I allowed myself a few days to mope about it before trying to turn all of that emotion into something else - the desire to do better, the desire to show everyone that I was better than my last exam mark, better than my last essay. Emotion is a powerful thing - use it, don’t let it use you.
- Failing isn’t something to be ashamed of. So many of my students who have failed feel ashamed for failing. It’s all right to feel sad about failing, but you shouldn’t feel ashamed if you genuinely put all of your effort into it. All a teacher can ask from a student is dedication and handwork. If you have given both of those things, then don’t feel ashamed, regardless of the result. After all, innate intelligence can only take someone so far. Overwhelmingly, my best students are those who work the hardest, the ones who come to me after class with questions or email me about things they don’t understand. No one is talented in everything, but hard work applies everywhere.
- Failing is a part of life, and it can help us make our choices. We don’t live forever, and life is a series of choices. Making the right choices can help bring us success and happiness. But how do we know what the right choices are? We can’t, not easily. But failing can tell you if you’ve made the wrong choice. So don’t feel bad if you’ve failed, it might be that you just need to look somewhere else to find your happiness and success (e.g., if you keep failing a particular subject, perhaps its not the one for you). This isn’t something to be ashamed of - everyone is good and bad at different things. Failing can help you find what you’re best at even faster, so that you can find happiness and success.
- Failing doesn’t change who you are. Too many of my students think of themselves as being defined by their academic success. There is no such thing as a “90% student”. Who you are doesn’t change if you fail an exam anymore than who you are changes if you dye your hair. True, what you can do can change (e.g., failing a test may hold you back a year), but that doesn’t fundamentally change who you are as a human being. Remember that failing something doesn’t mean you are a failure as a human being - it simply means that you’ve failed a particular examination or essay.
Fear of failure is one of the most crippling things we can encounter. It can lead to the kind of nervousness and fear that leads to failure. By understanding that failure is not a death sentence or something to be ashamed of, you can move past that fear, which will make succeeding even easier. Just remember, everybody has failed something in their lives. I always tell my students that I’ve failed things - even your lecturers or tutors who seem invincible have had their struggles in the past.
If you want to read more of my thoughts on writing or teaching you can find them here.
I also write original fiction, which you can find here.
Let me start off with something that might sound trite: it’s okay to fail. I know a lot of students have heard that, but I’m not sure they understand what it means. So, let me break it down. Failure isn’t about losing, it’s about learning. Here’s what failing can teach you:
- Failing can help you identify where you’ve made mistakes or don’t understand something. Do not be afraid or ashamed to ask your teacher to go through your exam or essay with you. Most teachers are happy to do that. I know it hurts to have your mistakes pointed out, but that’s the only way you’ll learn what you did wrong so you can do better. I remember when I got an absolutely appalling grade on one of my essays in university. I was so embarrassed about it, but I still went to my tutor and asked them to explain what I’d done wrong. After an hour of having my mistakes pointed out (one of the most awkward experiences in my life), I had a much better grasp of the topic. I ended up doing extremely well in the final exam, and I attribute a large part of that to having my mistakes pointed out so that I could shore up my weaknesses.
- Failing doesn’t have to break your spirit. It’s all right to feel sad or angry about failing. It’s very disappointing to work hard for something only to not get it. But don’t let those emotions get in the way - use them. When I failed in something, I allowed myself a few days to mope about it before trying to turn all of that emotion into something else - the desire to do better, the desire to show everyone that I was better than my last exam mark, better than my last essay. Emotion is a powerful thing - use it, don’t let it use you.
- Failing isn’t something to be ashamed of. So many of my students who have failed feel ashamed for failing. It’s all right to feel sad about failing, but you shouldn’t feel ashamed if you genuinely put all of your effort into it. All a teacher can ask from a student is dedication and handwork. If you have given both of those things, then don’t feel ashamed, regardless of the result. After all, innate intelligence can only take someone so far. Overwhelmingly, my best students are those who work the hardest, the ones who come to me after class with questions or email me about things they don’t understand. No one is talented in everything, but hard work applies everywhere.
- Failing is a part of life, and it can help us make our choices. We don’t live forever, and life is a series of choices. Making the right choices can help bring us success and happiness. But how do we know what the right choices are? We can’t, not easily. But failing can tell you if you’ve made the wrong choice. So don’t feel bad if you’ve failed, it might be that you just need to look somewhere else to find your happiness and success (e.g., if you keep failing a particular subject, perhaps its not the one for you). This isn’t something to be ashamed of - everyone is good and bad at different things. Failing can help you find what you’re best at even faster, so that you can find happiness and success.
- Failing doesn’t change who you are. Too many of my students think of themselves as being defined by their academic success. There is no such thing as a “90% student”. Who you are doesn’t change if you fail an exam anymore than who you are changes if you dye your hair. True, what you can do can change (e.g., failing a test may hold you back a year), but that doesn’t fundamentally change who you are as a human being. Remember that failing something doesn’t mean you are a failure as a human being - it simply means that you’ve failed a particular examination or essay.
Fear of failure is one of the most crippling things we can encounter. It can lead to the kind of nervousness and fear that leads to failure. By understanding that failure is not a death sentence or something to be ashamed of, you can move past that fear, which will make succeeding even easier. Just remember, everybody has failed something in their lives. I always tell my students that I’ve failed things - even your lecturers or tutors who seem invincible have had their struggles in the past.
If you want to read more of my thoughts on writing or teaching you can find them here.
I also write original fiction, which you can find here.
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