Dear Self-Publishers
Good morning, Readers. Some things to take care of before I launch into today's rant at my own ilk.
First, it has come to my attention that I wrote 'stag play' in my blog yesterday. The mind boggles as to what that could mean. Don't worry. It doesn't mean anything. I meant to type 'stage play' but missed the mark. Because of course I did.
Secondly, I've finally managed to arrange a time and place for the launch party for The Summer Bird. It's in the basement room of the Royal Oak Pub, 161 Laurier St. (near Ottawa U). If you're in town and feel like coming out for dinner, feel free to drop in. I'll be there from 5:30pm on. Come say hi! (You can RSVP through the FB event I created for it if you like. It's open to the public, so you should be able to invite yourself along)
Right, now onto what I wanted to write about today. Caution: Strong Language.
Dear Fellow Self-Publishers,
I have been kept awake at night thinking of you. I wish I could say that it was fondly, but that isn't the case. Actually I'm quite angry with you right now. Well, some of you. It has to do with this debacle that Writer Beware is calling Eroticagate.
I understand that the decision of certain eBook retailers to pull all self-published books from their shelves (WH Smith has done so indefinitely) until they can go through a vet each one to make sure the books all comply with their terms of service has many of you up in arms. 'But they're perfectly legitimate books!' you cry. 'It's not even erotica! WHAT ABOUT MY RIGHTS?!?!?'
And you scream and cry and yell at the eBook retailers. You shouldn't be yelling at them. You should be yelling at other self-published authors. Not the ones who wrote the offending material necessarily. I mean... if incest and beastiality are your 'thing' you go ahead and write that. I'll never, ever, ever read it, but you do you. Oh, don't get me wrong, I'm judging you so hard it's screwing up my nose into nothing more than a pile of wrinkles, but as long as you honestly note what kind of 'erotica' you're writing, I can avoid all that offends me.
Oh wait. You lied in your metadata? You listed a daddy-daughter incest story as 'children's stories' when you registered and published just so you could get around a retailer's terms of service and be published through a venue that would otherwise not accept your story? Well, fuck you!
No wonder the eBook retailers are outraged! I bloody well would be too! And I no longer feel that pulling every single self-published book from their shelves until they can verify that they do not breech their terms of service is an overreaction. In fact, I'm totally on their side. I cannot possibly see any other way that they could handle the situation. What guarantee have they that a book listed as Epic Fantasy isn't just some weird Dinosaur Porn (which is actually a thing, and it cracks me up)? None. Because they were lied to.
It's not their fault. It's yours. It's your fault for fucking everything up for the rest of us. If you write that kind of 'erotica' then you need to deal with the fact that it is extremely niche, obviously offensive and thus will have very few retail outlets... and readers. You're the one who decided to write that shit. Deal with the reality of your audience and the world at large.
AND DON'T LIE ON YOUR METADATA TO GET AROUND T.O.S!
It's fucking things up for the rest of us; and we're working damned hard and being straight and honest and WE DON'T DESERVE IT WHEN YOU SCREW IT UP FOR US ALL.
So, dear self-published authors, I'm not angry at the eBook retailers. I'm angry at you - at the large portion of you who lied to get your books to an audience that didn't want them, through a retailer that didn't want to carry them.
Fuck you. Fuck you right in your ear with a diseased banana.
To the rest of you who have had your books removed from sale without cause, I feel you. I'm there too, but ask yourself why your there, and realise that it's not about the fact that you are self-published. It's all about the liars amongst us. They're the ones dragging us all down, and it's time you stood up to them and demanded better.
Self-published authors already have a lot to prove to the world. Let's not add "We're a bunch of liars" to the long list of negative stereotypes already surrounding our fledgling industry.
Regards,
Me.
A Self-Published Author.
P.S. - Seriously. Fuck you.
