To Grow, Accept Yourself As You Are

When we only appreciate parts of ourselves and exclude others because we are embarrassed or ashamed of them, we are likely to invest our energy in trying to keep those parts secret. But that doesn't work very well; when we don't bring our full selves to the table, we divest ourselves of power. To be powerful means to accept ourselves at this very moment just as we are - to embrace our assets as well as our flaws and to acknowledge, with loving kindness, the ways our lives are thriving and the areas in which we have yet to grow. Answer the questions below to better understand where you stand on appreciating all of yourself:

What have you achieved by using your talents and abilities?


Which parts of yourself do you hide, not wanting anyone to know about? Do you find you deny them to yourself, too?


Do you realize that your way of being in the world, your uniqueness, consists of acknowledging yourself in your entirety?

It is not easy to embrace all the different parts of yourself. Although I coach women to be transparent with their weaknesses as well as their strengths, I found myself on a vacation a few years back coming face to face with my demons - my terror and lack of trust - that I would have preferred to deny. Here's what happened.

I had gone to a spa to recharge and met several women over lunch who took part in an activity called Quantum Leap. Harnessed for safety, they climbed to the top of a twenty-five-foot pole, stood on a narrow platform and then leapt off, landing safely on the desert floor. The exercise took participants beyond their comfort zone. They were so exhilarated by the experience that I felt I should try it.

The day before I left the spa, I signed up for a similar event. I purposely put myself last in line to jump because, as I looked up and saw where we were climbing, I could feel terror mounting inside me. I tried to take my mind off this by chatting with the other women. But when my turn came and I was harnessed in and told to step to the platform, I looked down and thought to myself, I can't do this. Even with the women below encouraging me - shouting, "Go, Helene!" - I felt paralyzed. I remember looking down and thinking, No, I won't do this. At that moment, the instructor saw my desperation and said, "If you don't want to do it, I'll help you down." I really felt like I was about to jump off a cliff. I was so embarrassed to be the only one who might not jump. I felt like I was letting myself down, allowing my fears to get the best of me. I closed my eyes tightly and took several deep breaths. Finally, I let go of the rope, which I'd been holding tightly, and stepped off. As soon as that happened, I began sobbing.

I never expected that. Why was I so scared? I realized that I was facing the unknown and was stripped of any opportunity to control what would happen. I had to trust what I was seeing: that others not only survived but were exhilarated by the exercise. I came away with a new sense of who I am - my fears and my courage. I had the desire to do something I've never done before, which I see as a strength, but I also had to embrace the terrified part of me that didn't trust that all would be okay. I felt fully present.

It's not necessary to perform a daring physical in order to become more in touch with what limits you. Having the courage to grow through any type of adversity will not only reveal your inner resources but also your limitations.

Excerpt from In Her Power.