What do I feel?

What do I feel? At this precise moment I want to cry and curl into a ball and forget about writing forever. I didn't get through to the finals with Readers Favourite and my book is not selling as well as I would like. I wonder if other writers lie about the amount of books sold? I have, from shame and embarrassment. When people hear that I have won an award, they immediately assume that I am rich or have sold millions or even thousands - that is not true - for me. Award winning and best seller are two very different fields and I am looking longingly into the other field wishing I could find a way to climb over the large fence.
It's horrible when so many readers have told me they loved my novels, couldn't put them down, and of course it makes me feel good, but the reality is, that there are millions of good books out there and competitions like this prove mine is not, at least, in someone's eyes and it hurts like hell.
Ego is a dangerous thing and although I didn't consider myself having a big ego, the feelings I am experiencing right at this moment, prove that I was beginning to believe the hype!
I am crying now, because I feel broken, lost, my path is unclear. Writing is all I have ever wanted to do and I am a great storyteller - so I'm told, but constant brick walls, can have such an affect. If my books aren't selling very well and I can't even win another competition, then what's the point in continuing writing?
I desperately need our lives to change for the better - to move house and live somewhere quieter, how can that happen if I don't sell enough???
So, what do I feel? Very sad, disappointment, anger, hurt, frustration. I am not happy right now.

EchoesFreya's Child