Things I Learned From Watching Soaps

1. It's incredibly easy to tamper with DNA and paternity tests

2. Guilty people never go to jail (or stay there,) but innocent people get arrested all the time

3. If you're a mobster, you can commit all the violent crimes you want, and people will still love you

4. The average person gets married 7 times

5. Condoms break easily

6. No one stays dead

7. All women need to be institutionalized at some point in their lives

8. If you're driving at night, you will get into an accident or run over someone

9....