Dave Barry Reading Makes Me Question Possible Male Conspiracy To Which I Haven’t Been Invited

I was at the Dave Barry reading for his book Insane City the other day in Denver and he made a comment that gave me some pause. He mentioned as part of his lead in that an important difference for understanding guys is that they can think of nothing for extended periods of time. Either I’m different from most guys (and I’m a pretty ordinary, heterosexual guy so don’t think what you’re thinking), or there is a vast male conspiracy to which I haven’t been invited.

Basically, his position was the old ‘guys are much simpler than people think’ thing. Supposedly, women misunderstand men by trying to figure out what they are thinking because men for a good portion of the time are thinking nothing. I know this is the stereotype, but I have never believed it.

Personally, I’m constantly thinking. Sometimes I have trouble sleeping because I can’t get my thoughts to calm down. I may not want to tell a person who asks what I’m thinking, but my mind is never still. Never. (Also personally, though I realize there are some more biological differences beyond reproductive organs, I still think much of the differences between men and women are more the roles they play as opposed to actual insurmountable differences dictated by biology.)

But, I keep hearing guys say this. Ordinarily, unless there is a joke involved, I would not suspect Dave Barry of lying. The question is then how to make all this jibe?

I accept the possibility that my brain works differently from other ‘guys.’ I’m hetero, so it isn’t different in that way. However, if guys really can sit and think of nothing for such long periods of time, perhaps my brain is different. I really do doubt this, though. Such would lead me to conclude some kind of mental superiority over the average male that just isn’t supported by evidence.

The only remaining conclusion is that there is a vast conspiracy by guys to get women to think that they are much simpler and more brain-dead than they really are. I have my doubts about this as well, but if it were true…why wasn’t I invited to participate? Believe me, I have not been approached about this. Perhaps I’m not responding to cultural conditioning that is supposed to handle this, but I haven’t been asked to the party. If there is a conspiracy, no one has made me aware.

In the end, I can’t really figure out which way this goes. I don’t have enough evidence as to whether most guys are more brain-dead than I think or whether there is a conspiracy that the others don’t care if I join. Both are possible, though both seemingly equally unlikely. Regardless, I just can’t stop thinking about it.