Ten Reasons Why Pope Benedict Probably Didn’t Resign

I just heard that Pope Benedict resigned. Now, I’m not Catholic, but I understand that this is big news. I don’t think popes resign all that often. According to the article I saw, he resigned because his age and health are too bad to continue as pope. I’m seeing a lot of speculation about other reasons, but I thought I’d give a few reasons why he probably didn’t resign:

- Pope Benedict just won the Powerball and doesn’t need this crap anymore.

- Pope Benedict couldn’t take the hats anymore.

- Pope Benedict figured he could make more money in the private sector.

- Pope Benedict wants to live it up a little while he’s still young.

- Pope Benedict got an offer to be the lead singer for Metallica and figured he needed to take his shot.

- Pope Benedict told the Vatican he wanted a raise or he was walking and by god, he wasn’t kidding.

- Pope Benedict wanted time to find himself.

- Pope Benedict finally put his foot down about the boss calling him ‘Benny’ all the time.

- Pope Benedict has actually been a Scientologist this entire time and couldn’t live the lie anymore.

- Pope Benedict finally got fed up with having to draft TPS reports.

I admit, this post is pretty pointless…giving reasons why the pope probably didn’t retire. My opinion is even less important given that I’m not Catholic. However, I just thought I should weigh in seeing as my viewpoint on this is completely irrelevant.