Nenia Campbell and the Spooky Snowflake Smackdown

SS: Hi! I'm Spooky! Spooky Snowflake! I'm not like other supernatural girls.

NC: OH GOD NO.

SS: Hi there! Have we met?

NC: Only in every. Single. Young. Adult. Paranormal. Romance. EVER.

SS: Ha ha, you're funny. I'm very unique, you know.

NC: That's redundant. You shouldn't have to clarify something that's already a superlative, you know.

SS: Now, Nenia. I know you want to be super anorexically skinny just like me, but you really shouldn't take superlatives to make that happen.

NC: Laxatives?

SS: No thank you. I already ate. I didn't ask to be born this way, Nenia. You don't have to be so mean to me! It's not easy being perfect! Do you know how HARD it is to be this awesome all the time? Sometimes, I just want to let loose, you know? Put on my size two fat-pants and eat a WHOLE stick of gum. You know. Just pig out.

NC: High school girls everywhere weep for you.

SS: God, I know right! My life totally sucks. I'm going to live forever, my boyfriend's a total hottie immortal who buys me whatever I want when he's not threatening to kill me or stringing me along, and I'm not flirting with the safety love-interest, and I fit into pretty much any main designer brand out there, but I still don't know what I'm going to wear to prom. Ugh.

NC: Wow.

SS: Yeah. Bee-tee-dubs, I sure wish people would stop telling me I should model. It gets sooooo annoying.

NC: I'm sure. You really are a well-rounded character.

SS: *nodding* Yes, I sure am!

NC: Do you have any flaws?

SS: Hmmm. For starters, I'm super ditzy! And I'm, like, totally prepz when everyone knows vampires/witches/angels are supposed to be gothic.

NC: *frantically pulling at door knob*

SS: Also, I fall down a lot! LOL. Yeah! That's my character flaw. Falling down.

NC: That is not a character flaw. *tug tug* It is a result *tug* of too many *tug* childhood inner-ear infections--WHY WON'T THIS DOOR OPEN?

SS: No, silly! It's a character flaw.

NC: It is no such thing.

SS: Um, yeah, it totally is. You know. Because supernatural beings are supposed to be graceful. I'm defying the stereotype, while simultaneously making it easier for you to relate to me even though I'm obviously so much better than you.

NC: For an immortal being, you're kind of a moron.

SS: I'm sorry but I got an A in high school English. That means I'm a genius.

NC: You're the reincarnation of a goddess. You should be finding out the secret of life, not letching on high school tail in fifth-period.

SS: Oh, thanks! That reminds me. I have a date tonight.

NC: Holy shit! A sexy man who looks super sketchy and abusive is standing right over there glowering ominously at you.

SS: What?! He is? *drops phone* Where? Oh my God. Is my hair okay? Do these 00 jeans make my butt look fat? I could really use some superlatives right now!

NC: *attacks*

SS: Nooooooo! Oh well. At least I'll die prettyyyy.

*turns into a pile of pink glittery ashes*

NC: I just vacuumed that rug...

/Every bad PNR YA novel ever