Nenia Campbell and the Case of the Special Snowflake
SS: Hello! My name is Special! Special Snowflake!
Me: Oh God. Not you again.
SS: I'm not like other girls.
Me: Yes. You are. You're EXACTLY like other girls.
SS: Nuh-uh!
Me: You. Are not. Special.
SS: Oh yeah? Then why don't people understand me? Huh? Why not?
Me: They do. They just don't like you.
SS: Because they're jealous whores who want to steal away my one true soulmate?
Me: No. Because you're a slut-shaming insecurity complex wrapped up in wishful thinking and tied with a bow that doesn't know it's pretty.
SS: But I'm not pretty! My Aryian good looks make me a freak of nature! Who could ever love a girl with white skin, blue eyes, and blonde hair? I'm hideous!
Me: ...also, you have the emotional depth of a mirror.
SS: That's not true! Bitch! *cries* I'm sorry, I didn't mean it. You're right. I don't know anything. I AM A WORM! *glare* But still you're only saying that because you're a slut who's jealous.
Me: Of what?
SS: My super powers!
Me: *not impressed*
SS: My good looks!
Me: You just said you weren't pretty!
SS: My sex god boyfriend thinks I am, and everything he says is gospel truth. *gasp* Oh my god! That's it! You want to steal my boyfriend!
Me: You mean the one who tried to KILL you? I don't think so.
SS: Then... OH GOD. YOU'RE A LESBIAN. YOU WANT ME. NOOOOO. HETEROSEXUAL MONORACIAL MARRIAGE IS THE ONLY REAL FORM OF LOOOOOOOVEEEE.
Me: Okay, that's it. No person could possibly be this obnoxious and fake and idiotic. Let's see who you really are.
SS: What are you doing? Stay away from me! Help! Rape! I'll blast you with sparkle magic!
Me: *pulls off mask* Holy shit. It's the author!
Author: And I would have gotten away with it, too, if it weren't for you meddling reviewers.
/every bad YA book ever
Me: Oh God. Not you again.
SS: I'm not like other girls.
Me: Yes. You are. You're EXACTLY like other girls.
SS: Nuh-uh!
Me: You. Are not. Special.
SS: Oh yeah? Then why don't people understand me? Huh? Why not?
Me: They do. They just don't like you.
SS: Because they're jealous whores who want to steal away my one true soulmate?
Me: No. Because you're a slut-shaming insecurity complex wrapped up in wishful thinking and tied with a bow that doesn't know it's pretty.
SS: But I'm not pretty! My Aryian good looks make me a freak of nature! Who could ever love a girl with white skin, blue eyes, and blonde hair? I'm hideous!
Me: ...also, you have the emotional depth of a mirror.
SS: That's not true! Bitch! *cries* I'm sorry, I didn't mean it. You're right. I don't know anything. I AM A WORM! *glare* But still you're only saying that because you're a slut who's jealous.
Me: Of what?
SS: My super powers!
Me: *not impressed*
SS: My good looks!
Me: You just said you weren't pretty!
SS: My sex god boyfriend thinks I am, and everything he says is gospel truth. *gasp* Oh my god! That's it! You want to steal my boyfriend!
Me: You mean the one who tried to KILL you? I don't think so.
SS: Then... OH GOD. YOU'RE A LESBIAN. YOU WANT ME. NOOOOO. HETEROSEXUAL MONORACIAL MARRIAGE IS THE ONLY REAL FORM OF LOOOOOOOVEEEE.
Me: Okay, that's it. No person could possibly be this obnoxious and fake and idiotic. Let's see who you really are.
SS: What are you doing? Stay away from me! Help! Rape! I'll blast you with sparkle magic!
Me: *pulls off mask* Holy shit. It's the author!
Author: And I would have gotten away with it, too, if it weren't for you meddling reviewers.
/every bad YA book ever
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message 1:
by
Ade
(new)
Dec 16, 2012 05:21PM
Did you have a specific book in mind when writing this? If so, I want to read it :D
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@Angela: Hahahahaha. ♥ You just want to steal my post!@Ade: I actually have a shelf called 'specialsnowflakes.' Just saying.... >___>
Now I want to read all of them. Or well, most of them.
I shouldn't be laughing so much at this, but I am. Thank you Nenia, well said.
This was hilarious, thank you for the laugh! :trots off to check out that shelf:
Oh wow, I nearly peed myself and snorted soda out my nose at the same time. It's hilarious because it's true!
@Ade & Brandi: #notnamingnames@Rose and Stefani: Thanks! Isn't that exactly what humor is, though? Pointing out the obvious in new and interesting ways? :DDD
Excellent. Hilarious. I'm adding you as a friend. I need more people with good taste on my feed!
Holy shitsicles! That was hilarious. Much love!
Ha ha!. Oh my. Best Post Ever Award goes to Nenia Campbell:)
@Reading Wolf: Thanks!@Lynsey: Oh, wow. What an honor! Thanks!
@Colette: Glad you liked it. LOL.
@Archer: Until now. :P@Julio: Heh. Well thanks!
Good heavens, I never thought this post would become so popular. Guess I'm not the only one who's been seeing a lot of snowflakes this holiday season.
Its been a white Christmas, make no mistake. You get what you ask for.
White in every sense of the word. You don't see many ethnic characters in fiction anymore. :/
Hypnotoad says you must love the Special Snowflakes! 
Must... buy...fifty... shades... of...
NO.
NOOOOOOOOOOO.
I REFUSEEEEEEEE.
*head explodes*
Nenia wrote: "White in every sense of the word. You don't see many ethnic characters in fiction anymore. :/"
I'm enjoying Paolo Bacigalupi's work, not a snowflake in sight. Unfortunately, I don't know him personally, so I'm not getting any commission for recommending his books. :(
I'm enjoying Paolo Bacigalupi's work, not a snowflake in sight. Unfortunately, I don't know him personally, so I'm not getting any commission for recommending his books. :(
Heh. Well, he's missing out on the awesomeness that is Georgina, then!I've read Wind-up Girl. I liked it a lot but it was so dark and intense that I think it will be a while before I read his other stuff. ;~;
:D:D Thank you, lovely Nenia!
I really enjoyed the Windup Girl. So true, it was very intense. His YA is too, but so imaginative!
I really enjoyed the Windup Girl. So true, it was very intense. His YA is too, but so imaginative!
