I’m So Glad The Vatican Decided To Weigh In On The Mayan Thing

You know, I am so glad that I ran across this article about how the Vatican doesn’t think the Mayan apocalypse is happening. There is just no way of conveying how relieved I am right now. I might just have to go and have a cookie to celebrate.

After all, I’m sure I was pretty worried about this Mayan thing. An ancient civilization might have predicted the end of the world next Friday? Without even doing any research whether or not that was what they really predicted (as opposed to a changed world, etc.) and/or whether or not I had any reason to believe them, I might have really been sweating it.

I mean, I was probably just as concerned when the Guuutaajjjjjjjank group of neolithic stone people predicted Elizabeth Taylor’s first divorce from Richard Burton and carved warnings about such into a bagel that they subsequently ate and only rumors of which reached modern day.

But…now the Vatican has come to the rescue. Thank God.

It isn’t like, particularly not being Catholic, I have no more reason to believe what the Vatican says than what other people tell me the Mayans said. It also isn’t like the Vatican’s claim to authority is purely religious rather than scientific, offering about as much persuasiveness (if you don’t have that particular faith) as the rumors about the Mayans themselves.

No, now we have something we can trust. The Vatican has said that the Mayan apocalypse is bunk and we can trust in that. I just don’t have to worry anymore. If only they’d take a public position on Nostradamus’s prediction that Honey Boo Boo will unleash a horde of demons upon the earth on December 21, 2013, thus dooming us all to an eternity of pain and torment, by unlocking an Easter egg in a limited release DVD copy of The 13 Ghosts of Scooby-Doo.