Busy busy busy head 31st July 2012

Well, another day and I've been marketing myself to death and i feel slightly dirty for it. I am sincere in my writing to other people, I know I am. I wouldn't waste mine or their time in pretending, yet, there is a slight feeling of betrayal in that, I would never have contacted them without a purpose, would I?

Is this how a ***** feels perhaps? One who enjoys her work? Enjoying what you do, yet feeling sullied at the same time?

I want people to want me and my stories. I am selling myself to people of the world in the hope that they can make me successful in what i do and I feel a touch of guilt with it.  Is this normal?

I took time out from selling myself today and bought linen material to attempt to make a medieval dress for the re-enactment group I've joined. Such parallel worlds. In one, I am the boss, forthright, confident(ish) and getting out there, enjoying my writing and looking ahead to the future. In the other, I am meek, unsure (because I haven't done anything with them yet) and still finding my feet, determined to learn about the past and be as authentic as I can be - which do I prefer? Which persona will I run to when I need to retreat into my quiet space? I wonder...?