The Writer’s Predicament

I haven’t been blogging.

I couldn’t. They wouldn’t let me.

I’ve been in limbo.

I’m not Catholic, but I believe in limbo. It’s a place those who haven’t made it to the big show are sent. It’s a place of happiness (sort of) but it doesn’t include the beatific vision. For me, the beatific vision is best-seller status with the novels I write. I’m still hoping to get there, but Penguin sent me to limbo first.

I’ve already told you about my little war with Penguin that ultimately resulted in me regaining the rights to my first three novels, all of which were installments in the Joe Dillard series. I signed the termination agreement and received a copy signed by Penguin a couple of months ago. I naively thought within a few weeks I’d be able to get the books back up for sale under my own, brand-spankin’- new publishing umbrella.

Yeah, right.

It takes an editor at Penguin at least two months to read a manuscript and decide whether or not to buy it. It takes Penguin a year or more to publish a manuscript once they’ve bought it. It takes them ten months to generate a royalty statement for an author. It takes them two months to write and mail a check. I’ll bet it takes a Penguin executive two hours to take a crap.

It has taken them two months to take my books “off sale.” It’s been quite comical, really, but it’s also been frustrating and maddening, because I couldn’t put them up for sale under my own company as long as they kept selling them. Not to mention the fact that they were collecting royalties every day that should have been going to me. But I’m trying very hard these days to maintain a positive attitude, to refrain from becoming angry, to look at life through those rose-colored glasses and all that, but the entire experience with Penguin would piss off a monk. I’m not a monk, though. I’m more laid back than a monk. I’m easy like Sunday morning.

After our contract was terminated, after I’d received the documents, I kept checking Amazon and Barnes and Noble and kept seeing that they were still selling my books.  I emailed their lawyer. She said it was a complicated process and would take awhile. I waited awhile; they were still selling my books. I emailed the lawyer again and told her I’d published and unpublished books on Amazon and that it only took me one day — twenty-four hours. I told her if they didn’t stop selling my books I was going to get ahold of Amazon and tell them Penguin was infringing on my copyright. She couldn’t understand why I was sending her “aggressive emails.” Penguin was doing me a great courtesy, she said, by returning the rights to me. I should be thankful and patient and shut up.

So I shut up for a while longer and tried to be patient. After a couple more weeks passed I sent her another email. It wasn’t all that vitriolic, really. But you know what? They very next day, they finally took all of my books off sale from every site. The lawyer then emailed me and asked me not to email her anymore. I sent her one more, just for fun. All it said was, “Boo!”

So now I have them back. “An Innocent Client” has already been rewritten and is off being formatted for paperback and ebook. I’m having a new cover designed because Penguin won’t let me use the one I already had. (They also wouldn’t return any of manuscripts to me, in any form. No electronic files, nothing. So petty.)

I have a grand plan for re-releasing the novels, starting with An Innocent Client. I’m going to do giveaways on Goodreads and LibraryThing and Facebook. I’m going to pitch book bloggers. I’m going to Tweet, which I think will be a worthless endeavor. The grand plan will culminate in the release of my fifth Joe Dillard novel around the first of December. (I know, I know. I said I’d release it in October, but that doesn’t fit into my grand plan since Penguin held me up for two months.)

Anyway, I’ll let you guys know how all this is going. If it goes according to plan, my bank balance will change significantly by January 1, 2013. If it doesn’t, it won’t be for lack of effort.

Wish me luck.