What to Do When You Freeze in the Moment

Have you ever been in a meeting where someone suddenly calls your name and you freeze?

Your mind goes completely blank, your body tenses, and even though you know the answer is in there somewhere, you cannot find the words.

Or maybe you are in a heated conversation, someone accuses you of something unfair, and instead of speaking up, you just freeze.

If this has happened to you, you are not alone. Freezing in the moment is a common experience.

For some, it occurs only occasionally. It is almost chronic for others, showing up whenever they feel put on the spot.

In this episode of The Terri Cole Show, I am breaking down why we freeze, what it really means, and most importantly, what you can do to work with your body and mind to move through it.

The good news is that there are many strategies you can practice to regroup, regain your voice, and communicate more effectively.

Prefer the audio? Listen here.

Why We Freeze

The freeze response is part of the body’s survival system. You have probably heard of fight or flight, but there are actually four survival strategies: fight, flight, freeze, or fawn.

When you freeze, your body believes you are in danger and shuts down your ability to think and speak clearly.

Here is the tricky part. Your nervous system does not always know the difference between a physical threat and an emotional or psychological threat.

It may react to an angry teenager, a performance review, or an unexpected question in a meeting the same way it would react to a bear attack. It does not pause to decide whether the threat is life-threatening or just uncomfortable. It simply reacts.

That is why ordinary situations like giving feedback to a colleague, introducing yourself at an event, delivering bad news, or even speaking up in a group can feel overwhelming. Your nervous system perceives danger, and suddenly your words disappear.

Freezing does not mean you are bad at speaking. It is a protective action that your brain takes.

The vital thing to know is that you can learn to anticipate when it might happen, practice strategies to create space, and regain your ability to communicate.

According to Dr. Marshall Rosenberg, founder of Nonviolent Communication, many of us are conditioned from childhood to compete, judge, demand, and diagnose.

That conditioning makes it easy to slip into defensiveness or reactivity, which can fuel the freeze response instead of fostering real connection.

9 Strategies to Break the Freeze1. Use the Three-Second Pause

When you notice yourself freezing, pause, breathe, and relax your shoulders. Just three seconds can interrupt the panic spiral and give your nervous system a chance to reset.

2. Prepare Go-To Phrases

I recommend creating a small set of “go-to” phrases that act like a conversational go bag. These phrases help you stay engaged even when your brain wants to shut down. Examples include:

“That is a great question. Give me a second to think about it.”“Can I come back to that in just a moment? I want to give it the thought it deserves.”“Let me grab some water, and I will be right back.”

These are not stalling tactics. They are conscious ways to create space and give your brain room to recover.

3. Stay Present with Body Language

If you freeze and cannot get words out, use your body language. Make eye contact, nod your head, and keep an open posture.

These nonverbal cues communicate that you are present and engaged even while you gather your thoughts. This also buys you valuable time without withdrawing from the conversation.

4. Reframe Silence

Many of us are afraid of silence and rush to fill it with what I used to call a wall of words. But silence, when held with confidence, is powerful. It signals calm, thoughtfulness, and authority.

Remember that a pause creates expansion. Freezing feels like constriction in your throat and chest, but expansion feels like space and calm.

5. Repeat or Clarify the Question

When your mind goes blank, repeat or clarify the question. For example:

“So just to confirm, you are asking about X?”“Let me make sure I understand. You mean…?”

This technique keeps you in the conversation and gives your brain time to come back online.

Even after decades as a therapist and public speaker, I have had my own freeze moments. Years ago, on Good Morning America, promoting my first book, I went completely blank on air. My heart was pounding, everything felt like slow motion, and I was sure the panic showed on my face.

What saved me was repeating the host’s question back in my answer, giving myself enough space for the words to return. To my surprise, viewers thought the interview went great, which proved that what feels like panic on the inside does not always show on the outside.

6. Set Boundaries in Heated Conversations

Freeze often shows up in emotionally charged conversations with loved ones. If you feel your throat close, try:

“I want to respond thoughtfully, but I am struggling to find the right words right now.”“Can we circle back to this? I want to give you a more complete response.”

These phrases create space while still acknowledging the moment. Also, avoid accusatory phrases like “you always” or “you never.” Instead, start with “I feel.”

You can even flip the dynamic by saying “You first,” which both shows generosity and gives you more time to gather your thoughts.

7. Handle Intrusive Questions Gracefully

Sometimes we freeze because someone asks us something inappropriate. Remember, you can always opt out. Examples:

“Excuse me, I need to use the restroom.”“I am going to refresh my drink. I will talk to you after.”“Oh, I heard you moved. Tell me about your new place.”

If you want to be more direct, you can flip the power dynamic by saying, “Why would you ask me that?” This phrase, recommended by power dynamics expert Kasia Urbaniak, puts the responsibility back on the person asking and rebalances the exchange.

8. Use Body Language to Exit

Just as body language can keep you engaged, it can also help you exit. At a family gathering, if there is someone you do not want to talk to, wave politely but keep walking.

Your movement makes it clear that you are not stopping to chat, and you do not owe anyone an explanation.

9. Train Your Nervous System

The goal is not to eliminate freezing completely but to reduce its impact. You can train your nervous system with mindfulness, practice, and visualization.

Picture yourself in a situation where you might normally freeze, and imagine yourself staying calm, breathing, and speaking clearly.

Confidence is built through repetition, and you expand your comfort zone each time you practice.

Final Thoughts

Freezing is a normal biological response. It does not mean you are a poor communicator. It simply means your body thinks you are under threat.

By pausing, breathing, using go-to phrases, staying present with body language, reframing silence, setting conversational boundaries, handling intrusive questions, and practicing visualization, you can learn to move through it.

Next time you freeze, do not be mean to yourself. Take a breath. Use one small strategy. Over time, you will feel more confident and capable of talking true in the moment.

I created a free guide with all the strategies and scripts from this episode for you. You can grab it here.

I would love to hear from you. Do you freeze in conversations? What helps you recover? Share your experience in the comments below so we can all learn together.

As always, take care of you.

FAQs About Freezing in Conversations Why do I freeze during conversations or meetings?
Freezing is part of the body’s natural survival system called fight, flight, freeze, or fawn. Your nervous system interprets emotional or psychological stress as a threat, even if it is not physically dangerous, and temporarily shuts down your ability to respond. How can I stop freezing when I am put on the spot?
You may not be able to stop it completely, but you can reduce its impact. Try pausing for a deep breath, using a go-to phrase like “That’s a great question, give me a second,” or repeating the question back to create space until your thoughts return. Is freezing in conversations a sign of weakness?
Not at all. Freezing is a normal biological response, not a personality flaw. Even experienced speakers, leaders, and therapists can experience it. With practice and strategies, you can learn to manage it effectively. What can I say if someone asks me an intrusive or uncomfortable question?
You always have the right to set boundaries. You can redirect (“Tell me about your new place”), excuse yourself (“I need to step away for a moment”), or flip the dynamic with “Why would you ask me that?” as suggested by power dynamics expert Kasia Urbaniak.