The Unsettling Relief of Saying Goodbye

It would have been my mum's 91st birthday this week. She passed two years ago this June after the long goodbye from the thousand small cuts of dementia. Although I experienced grief and sadness, it truly was a relief to bid my mum the final farewell after the long marathon of loss over many years. I gave a final kiss to the echo of the woman before me as the heat of life left mum's body.

Should you celebrate your release from the hard years of struggling to care for a loved parent when their passing finally arrives? I struggled with this emotionally conflicting thought for quite a while through the spring of this emotion's awakening.

I soothed my conscience over time by thinking about my own children. I came to realize that I would not want them to endure such hard emotional caregiver duties when my time comes. Although I'm sure they would embrace it with commitment, it's not the path I wish for them. This gave me the realization that my own mum would have hoped not to have this gladly taken burden thrust upon me. This revelation helped me come to true terms with myself and the unsettling relief of embracing my mum's passing.

Social expectations around grief gently corral your thoughts away from feeling this relief, but I believe it's an important issue that needs more understanding and exploration. The unfortunate reality is that many of our age group are going to face this uncomfortable emotional experience. Forward thinking and discussion can help you deal with this possible guilt-inducing turmoil during an already difficult time.

I hope my thoughts don't cause offence. I only want to share an emotional journey to acceptance—the acceptance that relief can coexist with the deep loss of a beloved parent.

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