Religious Abuse | Reflecting on My Sole Experience Attending a Charismatic Institution

In 2018, I briefly attended a charismatic institution (I refuse to call these places churches because that’s just not what they are – they are usually better referred to as cults). I’m pretty sure that was the only experience I’ve ever had regularly attending one. It was a terrible experience that continues to negatively impact my life to this day as I have been subjected to stalking and harassment by individuals connected to this place since I left it. But I’m glad that it was what it was because it sowed seeds of exposure and was used by God to turn me away from charismatic teachings.

Random thoughts about my time in that place in no particular order (warning: I wrote a lot and could have written even more and please excuse any grammatical errors) – I want to note that this was a highly narcissistic environment and that played a heavy role in the things I experienced:

I blindly trusted so much of what was being told to me by individuals in this institution because I trusted them as “prophets” or “messengers of God” – which they are not. This was used against me in a MULTITUDE of ways.At one point, as, unbeknownst to me, the person who had invited me to this institution was beginning the larger scale of a smear campaign they had launched against me, they said to me, with (in hindsight) fake tears in their eyes and what was more than likely a smirk on their face, in summary, “Satan is going to try to tear us apart but we can’t let him”. I then tearfully hugged them reassuring them that this would not happen completely unaware of what was going on behind the scenes.My mother saved my life by demanding to come with me the night that I was supposed to be “baptized” (I’m using quotations because, again, this was not really a church and it has no real connections to Christian faith, it only pretends to) by individuals in this institution. I had not wanted her to come to the “baptism” due to her being very unhappy with my being involved with this place and constantly raising concerns about it and the people running it. Prior to this, there had also been a tense interaction between her and one of the leaders of this institution which I had wrongly blamed her for. I just did not think it would be a good idea for her to come with me. However, I eventually agreed that she could come after she continued to press the matter. I learned later that there was something being planned that night by the person who had invited me to this institution that was meant to put me in danger. If my mom had not been adamant about going with me that night, I might not be alive today. That night, God allowed a number of things to happen (including allowing other things that were being planned against me to backfire) that resulted in my severing all ties with this place – thank You Lord.I met the person who invited me to this place in college. While I will never know how much they used that environment to lure people into this institution, it is widely known that cults love to target college students for a number of reasons including how vulnerable they often are. I was definitely in an extremely vulnerable place in my life during the time that I attended this institution.I believe there were people involved in this institution who were truly Christians. I pray that they have (or will) come out of that deception.When I made the mistake of telling the person who had invited me to this place that I was considering stepping back from it, the abuse I experienced there got worse. Many people who have escaped cults say the same thing when they talk about their experience: never tell anyone that you are thinking about leaving. And they are right. After this conversation was had in private, I was subsequently called up in front of the “congregation” and, among other things, labelled with having a “spirit of rebellion”. I’ve since learned that when you begin to (rightly) question things in environments like this, you are usually labelled with having that “spirit”. At the time, it didn’t even occur to me that my telling someone that I was considering leaving and my being called up in front of everyone the way that I was were related. I just genuinely believed that these people were acting as God “led them” and only trying to help me even though there were so many signs that the opposite was true.Some people have pointed out the racism that is often embedded in charismatic teachings about generational curses and I believe that that’s a valid concern. I was subjected to both covert and overt racism in this environment.They tried to marry me off to someone which is apparently a thing that charismatic institutions often do. Any resistance I (or others) had to this and any concerns that were brought up were not taken well.There was a language barrier present in this environment and this was often used against me.Beneath the self-righteous attitudes and emphases on appearances (i.e., women wearing pants being frowned upon and similar practices), there were secret lives and heinous, rampant, unrepentant sin. The same people involved in this rampant, unrepentant sin were constantly shoving my own failings (along with imaginary ones), which I was very open about, actively turning away from and deeply repentant over, back in my face and using them against me. They continue to do this to this day.This was an institution with a male “pastor” and a female “co-pastor” (again, using quotations because this place is not a real church). They were husband and wife. Not only is this unbiblical as women are not called to be pastors (I say this as someone who for YEARS was deceived into thinking that I was called to be a pastor) but, in addition to the wife being an abusive figure in this institution, it was known and obvious that she was the person who was actually running it and dominant over everything – not her husband.In being involved with the charismatic movement, just as with being involved with things like witchcraft and the new age, one is dangerously opening their life up to Satan and demonic forces. The charismatic movement and the new age/witchcraft are the same exact thing just painted in different colors.Things like “prophecy”, “receiving messages from God” and “casting demons out of people” were used as opportunities to abuse.The charismatic movement’s emphasis on emotion makes it very easy for predators to gain an audience because all you have to do is know how to work yourself and the crowd up into a frenzy in a certain way and you will automatically be deemed a gifted speaker, a “godly” person and a “messenger of the Lord”. I can remember, at least once, watching someone go from saying horrible things in private to, in literally the next second, standing up and shouting what was really nothing more than a flurry of basic charismatic sayings to an enthusiastic reception.The one and only time I was “slain in the spirit”, I was not. First of all, I was pushed. Second of all, I was very emotional and overwhelmed at the time (partially due to the abuse I had endured from this institution). So when a “prophet” (who was a man twice my strength and stature) stopped to “prophesy” over me, after being terribly mistreated by the people in this institution I was involved with, I was filled with emotion at the thought that I was not being ignored or passed over but that, instead, (in my deceived mind) God had a “word” for me too just like everyone else and so I began to cry. When he pushed me backward toward two women waiting behind me to catch me, I hollered (again, due to nothing but my emotions) and allowed myself to fall, be caught and then be placed on the ground. Then, I just laid there crying for a couple of minutes until I was done. To this day, I still have no idea what this “prophet” even said to me before he pushed me backward and no one would tell me (this relates to the language barrier that was present; while I understand the language that he was speaking, my understanding of it comes and goes).I sincerely wish I had never gone anywhere near this place and if I had known what I now know about the charismatic movement, I never would have. But, again, I am glad that I did have this experience as it helped expose the truth about these false teachings to me.After everything that has happened, I seriously doubt that the person who invited me to this institution and others who were running it are actually Christians.Most, if not all, of the music sung at this institution was by institutions like Bethel and Hillsong. This surprised me because even though I was actively embracing charismatic/NAR beliefs and had been for most of my life, I had heard about the many concerns that were being raised, at that point, about Bethel and Hillsong and knew enough to be cautious of them. Considering how piously this institution I was attending presented themselves, this preference in music was odd to me. I just kept thinking to myself, “Do they not know how dangerous Bethel and Hillsong are?”.

Edited 6/27/25 to add this point:

During the time that I attended this institution, the person who invited me to it chronically attempted to drive me into various crises of faith. They made it their personal business to constantly try to shipwreck my faith and this behavior continues to this day.

Edit 10/4/25:

Lately, it has occurred to me that, considering how deeply the person who invited me to this institution disliked me (arguably from the moment that they met me), it’s strange that they were constantly inviting me to it. I feel like they were trying to lure me there to have more access to me to harm me.