Episode #14: The Weekly Mercies of Pam Ellis

“I don’t think Molly has stopped chattering about her timewith you.”

I smiled as I took a sip of my lavender vanilla tea. “I’m soglad. I enjoyed having her.”

Jared set the box of tea down behind the counter. “She'sgrowing up so fast. I want to be the best uncle-father I can be to her. But aswe are in the double-digits now, I’m less and less sure I can be what I need tobe to her.”

I swallowed, thinking of how both my parents were distantthese days as they struggled to rebuild their marriage. I swallowed. “I’m sureyou being there for her will mean more to her than she will ever know.”

He sighed. “I just remember how excited she was when Lacieand I got married. How full of gladness she was. She loved Pollyanna and alwaysplayed the glad game. Now, mostly I hear about how she wishes her own parentswere alive and how annoying it is to have a baby sister around. Heaven help uswhen our next little one arrives.”

I pressed my lips together and I unloaded the boxes of teaonto the shelf for display, enjoying the cozy feeling of being in the shop asthe spring rain poured down. “Can I suggest you find something fun to do withher? I was recently reminded by my siblings that it’s important to have funtogether during times of turbulence and change. I bet Molly would benefit from thetwo of you doing something fun.”

“That’s an idea. Any suggestions on what we do?”

I turned toward him as I finished putting the cherry blossomtea next to the raspberry rose tea. “Well, I’m going to do one of those onlinepainting tutorials this evening. I think my siblings have decided to join me. Itshould be fun.”

“Molly does like creative things. I should try that. Send methe link?”

I nodded. I just hoped this worked for him and for me.

 

While I had envisioned that my siblings and I would have agood time with lots of laughter, I hadn’t anticipated my siblings laughing somuch at the instructor.

To be fair, the instructor was fond of adjectives and chosesome pretty fun ones to describe the river, trees, and tiny log cabin we werepainting.

“A jolly log?” Asa said, laughing. Hehadn’t painted a thing on his canvas. “I have the sudden urge to go reread the Chroniclesof Narnia. Jolly good.”

Now he had me wanting to read them, but not because of theword jolly. But later today, I would pick up my favorite, the Horse and His Boy, and reread it.

“A luscious river,” Ben teased, striking a pose. “My what aluscious river. It puts me in mind of a dinner I had once.”

I couldn’t help laughing with them. But while they werefunny, I couldn’t help but be irritated. This was not the painting partyI had envisioned. I took a deep breath. I didn’t want to be irritated. I wantedto allow my siblings to have fun, even if it wasn’t how I wanted them to havefun.

I wanted to be humble and set myself aside like Jesus. Whichwas getting harder as my brothers now turned their humor towards ourpaintings.

“That doesn’t look like pleasant oceans green, Pam.”

I took a deep breath and tried to figure out how to respond.I caught Ivy’s eyes.

“Guys, Pam wanted to paint. I think…"

“And what is that!” Asa laughed as he pointed to my attemptat a bunny in the corner of the painting.

I took a deep breath and tried to control my words. “Asa,Ben, I know that you think this guy is funny but please don’t make fun of mywork. If you don’t want to join us…”

Asa huffed. “Don’t be so uptight.”

Ben looked into my eyes and then at Asa but said nothing.

“Hey!” Meg rarely raised her voice, but she could beloud when she wanted to be. “Guys, you can have fun and not be mean.”

“I wasn’t trying to be mean, it’s just that-”

Ben cleared his throat. “Asa, if the girls find it mean,then I think you should stop even if it wasn’t your intention to be mean.”

I nodded toward Ben. I knew it had cost him. He didn’tlike to confront people and he hated being out of sorts with Asa.

Asa huffed and walked out of the room muttering.

“I guess that makes this a girl's evening.” Meg’s voice was falselycheerful. “Let me back up the video."

I continued to paint, even though my heart wasn’t in it. ButI was too stubborn to let Asa know he had made me sad. It would make me feellike he had won.

I could hear the boys talking and laughing. They hadprobably started another game of Risk or perhaps were watching one of theirfavorite cartoon shows.

I glanced at Ivy, and she was painting, but not evenattempting to follow along.

There was some throat clearing and I turned. Asa stoodthere, his face red. “Pam, Meg, Ivy… I’m sorry.”

I blinked. I glanced at Ben, but his eyes were on ourbrother.

“I just…” He sighed. “I like to laugh and sometimes I forgetthat I need to stop myself to be kind.”

Ivy set her brush in a mason jar of water and gave Asa ahug. “Forgiven.”

I wanted to follow her, but I suddenly realizedthat I was struggling inside. I was upset that he had ruined my idea of aperfect evening with our siblings.

Ben glanced at me and then at Asa and back again.

I tried to beat some sense into my wayward heart. Keepingshort accounts was what I was supposed to do as a Christian, and after all, it wasn’t that big of an issue. I shouldn’t be petty. I shouldn’t bebitter. I needed to…

“Hey, we know you love to laugh. We just didn’t want you tolaugh at us.” Meg said. “Grab your brush again.”

I was mentally screaming at myself and yet I stood frozen, staring at my brother. What was I waiting for?

He needs to be more sorry.

And right then and there, I wished I could split myself in twoand tackle that part of me.

I’ve been hurt too much. This is the last straw.

Asa stepped toward me. “I’m really sorry, Pam. I was themeanest to you.”

I prayed and took a step forward. “Forgiven.” I hadn’t feltlike saying the words. I wasn’t sure I meant them completely and it wasemotionally exhausting to say them. However, I felt like I had won a battle.

Asa smiled and returned to his canvas. It was awkward for thenext few minutes as we all worked on our paintings and tried to not be awkward,making it even more so.

Then the artist on screen made a comparison of what we werepainting to something a little off-color. I looked up at my siblingshorrified. I had skimmed through to make sure there wasn’t something like thatand I missed it.

“Well, I guess we can all agree that wasweird,” Ben said into our horrified silence.

We all laughed. We turned off the sound and made up our ownridiculous commentary of what he was saying.

 

This week's Mercies:

My siblings

Choosing to laugh

God’s power to help meovercome the ugly sin inside of me.

The Horse and His Boy has a special place in my heart. God used it to capture my heart during a dark time in my life.