The Best Way to Celebrate Valentine’s Day (Single or Partnered!)

How do you feel about Valentine’s Day?

Do you often find yourself disappointed? Does it make you feel alone and down?

Does your partner forget about it, even though you ask to make plans? Do they give you gifts that feel hollow?

Whether you’re single or partnered, I invite you to put a self-consideration spin on Valentine’s Day with my favorite three-step self-love ritual. All the steps are below along with tips on how to avoid disappointment on the day.

Prefer the audio? Listen here.

The Problem With Valentine’s Day

I’ve never been a fan of Valentine’s Day.

Hallmark popularized it in 1913 when it began selling Valentine’s cards, and according to the National Retail Federation, consumers are expected to spend $27.5 billion celebrating this year.

I don’t know about you, but to me, the over-commercialization of it feels excessive. It puts undue pressure on people to meet societal expectations of romance, gift-giving, and love.

There’s also a disconnect between what healthy love actually is and the ‘idealized’ love promoted by Valentine’s Day.

For those who are single and looking, every sappy ad is often yet another reminder that you’re not partnered.

Those who are partnered may face unrealistic expectations of having the ‘perfect’ evening or finding the ‘perfect’ gift, which is stressful and can lead to disappointment.

How to Avoid Disappointment on Valentine’s Day

I used to tell my partnered therapy clients who liked celebrating Valentine’s Day to think about what truly feels like a gift to them.

What is one thing, coming from your beloved, that would make you feel loved and valued?

Some people love chocolate, flowers, and gifts, while others (like me) prefer quality time or words of affirmation.

If Vic and I celebrate, I like going to a nice restaurant for a meal together or going away for a short trip.

Other quality time ideas are snuggling for three hours watching movies, spending all day in bed together, or getting a babysitter and enjoying a night away.

Maybe you need ‘me’ time and the biggest gift your partner could give you is watching the kids so you can have a night alone or with your friends.

Spend time thinking about it, and then talk about it. Ask your partner for what you need. Repeated disappointment is avoidable!

A 3-Step, Inclusive Self-Love Ritual

Self-love is the foundation for any other healthy love (according to me).

I truly believe how we relate to ourselves sets the bar for every other relationship in our lives.

Think about it: if we treat ourselves like crap, talk badly about ourselves, or put ourselves last on our own list, we will inevitably attract people who agree with our low self-assessment.

We don’t want that!

Self-love is an inside job. No one else can do it for us.

When we prioritize self-consideration, it raises our love vibe and increases our confidence.

That is why I designed this inclusive, 3-step self-love ritual. Whether you’re single, partnered, looking for love, not looking, or something in between, it will help you uplevel your relationship with yourself.

Let’s dive in.

Step 1: Create a Zen Den

A zen den is a little sacred space in your home, almost like an altar, where you can sit and be comfortable.

It doesn’t need to be big, it just needs to be cozy. It can be the table next to your bed or in the corner of a room.

Part of the self-loving experience is intentionally creating a safe, external space, where you can tend to your internal sacred space.

A zen den also serves as a visual reminder to prioritize self-care and helps keep it top of mind. It’s a beautiful way to honor yourself and your preferences.

My zen den contains different items I love: my favorite blanket, pen, journal, candles, fairy lights, etc. I journal, meditate, and rest there when needed.

What makes a space feel cozy and inviting to you? You may want to include essential oils, crystals, plants, outdoor elements like leaves and flowers, or photos of loved ones.

Step 2: Journal for Self-Discovery

Once you’ve created your zen den, you’re ready to journal and dream. Carve out time to write and get in touch with your thoughts.

Go through the journal prompts in the guide to illuminate how you want to be loved, what kind of love you like, and how you relate to yourself.

Some questions you can ask are: what currently makes you feel loved? What would make you feel loved? What do you want love to look like? (This can be romantic or platonic love.)

I’m a ritual girl, so when I journal, I love having a candle lit and a cup of tea nearby. Caring for myself and prioritizing my comfort primes me to tap into the truest part of my heart before I journal.

Feeling loved by someone releases feel-good hormones, and we can get the same results by doing something loving (like this ritual) for ourselves.

Step 3: Think of a Meaningful Gift For Yourself

Using what you discovered from journaling in the previous step, what would feel like a beautiful, meaningful gift for yourself?

The goal is to do something special just for you that makes you feel how you want to feel. It doesn’t need to be big or expensive! It just needs to make you feel nurtured, joyful, and satisfied.

The guide contains a few ideas, but here are some to get you started: take yourself out for a meal, order in, go for a mani/pedi, plan a solo R+R trip or relaxing staycation, take lessons for something new that interests you (music, dance, language, art), or take a luxurious tub with oils, candles, and flower petals.

You can also give yourself the gift of being in the present moment by taking a tech break and unplugging. (Less tech, more life in general, please! Who’s with me?)

Is your love language gifts? Buy a meaningful piece of jewelry or clothing that makes you feel beautiful.

Treat yourself like the amazing person you are, because you are so worthy and deserving of it.

Does this ritual leave you feeling inspired to take your understanding of love and how you relate to it and yourself to the next level?

I’d love for you to join me in my free 5-day Raise Your Love Vibe Kickstart, happening February 9-13! It’s all about amplifying and attracting more love into your beautiful, one-of-a-kind life. It’s for everyone because I think we can all use more love in our lives and the world. Just go to terricole.com/love to sign up and join!

What are your thoughts on Valentine’s Day? Do you celebrate it at all? How would it feel to focus on yourself for the day? Will you join me for five days of love, or do this ritual? Let me know in the comments or on Instagram, and remember to download the guide so you can take this ritual with you.

Have an amazing week and as always, take care of you.