Episode #3: The Weekly Mercies of Pam Ellis

The euphoria from last week hadn’t lasted long. My list and mercynotebook looked like a juvenile idea. My list of things to do to help buildback my joy seemed pointless.

I plunked a bag of chia tea into my mug and moped back tothe front desk to prepare another curbside order for Mrs. Kingston. She put inan order about once a week and usually canceled them. When she did pick themup, she usually quibbled and tried to get the price reduced for stupid reasons.Why did I have to deal with her today?

You’re so self-righteous

I don’t understand how you have any friends.

It’s probably a good thing Evan left before he figuredout you like him. You have a lot of growing to do.

If only covering my ears would block out the words flung at me over the months of trying to repair things with my friend.

I’m sorry, Pam. We just can’t be friends anymore.

Over and over again the words from Jessie played in my head.It felt like glass shards cutting at my heart every time. I missed her so much.I had tried so hard, even when a lot of people had told me to write her off. Eventhough I had said the week before I was done letting her steal joy from me, Ididn’t know how to practically do that.

No mercy notebook – not a cute little list – would fill thehole my friend left or heal my heart from the damaging words.

“Pam!”

I turned and smiled. It was hard to not smile when Lacie’snieces came to visit. Molly and Anna were growing so fast. Molly was entering her teen years with the same joy she had in childhood.Anna followed her older sister most of the time, but more frequently these dayswas venturing on her own.

“What are you reading?” Molly asked, coming behind the desk.

I usually had my current read behind the desk. I sighed.“I’m between books.” I hadn’t read a book in a couple of weeks. I was todepressed. I had let myself binge-watch Andy Giffith episodes. Why when you aredepressed, does reading feel like such a chore?

“I can read all on my own!” Anna announced proudly. “I read MoreStories from Grandmother’s Attic.”

I couldn’t help but smile. “That was one of my favoritesgrowing up.” It was. I loved the whole series by Arleta Richardson. Too bad Ioutgrew those books. I stopped with my tea mug halfway to my mouth. Why had I outgrownthem? A good story was a good story. Maybe the simplicity of something writtenfor a younger audience was what I needed.

I looked at the books in my hand. The whole series of Grandmother’s Attic was in a large plastic bin underneath my bed. My eyes wandered over the titles that had enthralled me in my childhood. Suddenly, I just wanted to read all of them over again.

Why couldn’t I? I might be grown, but there was no lawagainst me reading these books, was there? I felt a surge of giddiness like Idid when finishing the candles last week of diving into these books once again.I grabbed a mug of lavender vanilla tea and put on a lavender candle. I grabbedthe first book by Arlita Richardson.

The first lines of In Grandmother’s Attic pulled meback into my happy childhood and into Mable and Sarah Jane’s world; log cabins,one-room school house, and the hilarious hijinks. Oh, I had forgotten thehoopskirt story! I laughed so hard.

Before I knew it, I had devoured three of the books and hadstarted the fourth.

“Pam?”

Mom stood in my doorway. I jerked up. “Oh, I’m sorry! I wassupposed to finish cleaning the kitchen.”

Her mother smiled and entered the room. “I thought it mighthave been a hard day at work? Did that fellow come and yell at you again aboutnot carrying his books?”

I snorted, thinking of the young man who had demanded we carryhis books so our shelves would have more diversity. He wrote books that hecalled Christian, but went against God’s moral code. I don’t know why hethought coming in every few months and making threats and demands would make uswant to carry his work, but it didn’t

I shook my head. “It wasn’t that. It was just…I wasstruggling with all the stuff from last year.”

She nodded. “I’m sorry things have been so hard. I’m hopingthis year is full of good things.”

I swallowed. I wanted to believe it could. I had tried topush through my feelings and find healing, but my plans seemed silly and kiddishat the moment.

“I got something for you.” She held out a white bubblemailer.

I took it and ripped it open and found a bible study on thelife of Elizabeth. The subtitle caught my eye

Dealing with Disappointment.

I looked up at my mom and tears sprung to my eyes. “Thankyou.”

She nodded. “I know this year hasn’t been easy, but I wantto see your joy return.”

I didn’t say anything because I didn’t want to burst intotears…again. I was so tired of sadness and crying.

“Your dad and I are headed to our counseling session. You’lldo the dishes?”

I nodded. I sighed after she closed my door. She hadreminded me of yet another burden on my heart, my parents. I glanced at thestudy and then at the ceiling. I couldn’t pray aloud, but I sent a silentprayer upward.

Jesus, please help my parents be okay. And please, help me to be able to feel joy again.

Do you like to read books written for a younger audience to relax? To relive childhood? Let me know in the comments below. 
The Grandma's Attic series is among my favorites from my early childhood. If you are interested in the series you can find it HERE.
I found the bible study Elizabeth: Dealing with Disappointment Bible Study very helpful in my own life. You can get it HERE.