Episode #2: The Weekly Mercies of Pam Ellis

 

Welcome to episode 2 of The Weekly Mercies of Pam Ellis! I love writing these episodes and I can't wait to share more!

Make sure you sign up for my newsletter. Tomorrow (January 7th) I'm sending out some fun free goodies inspired by this story, deals, and a giveaway!

I had made a list. I was good at making lists. I likedmaking lists. That and planners, which is why I ended up accidentally withtwo planners this year and couldn’t decide which layout I liked better.

But I’m interrupting myself. My list.

This was a list of things I wanted to do to reclaim my joy.After all, the last year had been full of dark days, darker nights, and fightingto keep my head above water, so to speak. I was ready to get back to enjoyinglife.

I took a deep breath and looked at my closet, then I forcedmyself to set aside the list on the pretty sheets of stationery. It was onething to make a list, but it was another thing to do it. I planned to startwith what I had put at the top of the list.

I dug into the deepest recesses of my closet and pulled outthe candle-making kit I had been given at Christmas a year ago. I had been soexcited to get this kit from Jessie. Making candles had been a dream. Lavenderand vanilla scent oils had been included. These would smell amazing.

I swallowed as I pulled out each item, memories assaultingme of the day I had called my friend, Jessie, because I was going to use it. Ihad planned on making a candle for myself and one for her. I would ship it toher the very next day.

The phone had gone quiet.

“Pam, we need to talk. I was hoping we wouldn’t have tohave this discussion…”

What had followed was an hour-long trade of the ways I hadfailed Jessie. I had hurt her without realizing it and she had kept it toherself. She was angry and nothing I said, none of my apologies made it anybetter.

“I don’t think I can do this,” I whispered the words astears pricked my eyes. This kit had been given to me by a friend who wasn’t inmy life anymore. Maybe I should give this kit to someone at church or thethrift store.

My eyes were absently roving the room and they landed on mynew notebook. I reached for it and opened to the first page. I had already listedsome of God’s mercies. I ran my hand over the words already printed.

Thank you for Yourmercy in making me Your child

Today, I saw God’smercy reflected in a stranger, who was so understanding when we accidentallysold a book we were supposed to be holding for them. They could have so easilybeen angry.

Mercy: My familyloving me on my bad days.

Clearly, I hadn’t come up with a consistent way to recordthe mercies of God I saw around me. I looked back at the candle-making kit. Anodd sensation built inside of me, one that over the months of trying to makethings right for Jessie hadn’t often inspired in me.

I was angry.

I was angry a person I called a friend had pushed me out ofher life because she had chosen not to forgive me. I was angry that even now,she was poisoning something I wanted and loved because her memory tainted it.

Because you are letting it.

The truth slammed into me. I often felt as if God whisperedinto my heart but this felt like it was shouted into my mind.

The tears stopped.

I was done. I was done letting Jessie steal from me. I wouldalways miss her. I would always pray that somehow, some way, our friendshipwould be restored. Last year, she had taken hours of my time as I tried to doeverything she asked of me to restore our relationship. I had prayed and spenthours before God, asking Him to help me be a better friend. And it hadn’tworked. She had left, leaving me devastated.

But I was done letting her take from me. I would make thesecandles and I would try to enjoy it. I would gain back my hope

I read the instructions with the kit. I went into thekitchen, passing where my parents were both busy on their computers and two ofmy siblings were on the couch talking about their jobs.

I went into the kitchen and started a pot of water. I pouredthe whole one-pound bag of wax into the metal pitcher. I followed the directionscarefully. I let the wax melt, cool down just a touch and added the lavenderand vanilla scent. It smelled heavenly.

I realized I hadn’t prepped the containers so I rushed toput the wicks in place and then poured the wax into the glass

I stepped back. I had made candles. I smiled and stared at thewax, slowly cooling.

A tear slid down my cheek and brushed it away. This time, itwas from relief. I had used the kit and made something beautiful.  I marched into my room and added the words tothe mercies journal.

Even things that startwith pain can be redeemed by God’s mercy.

I took a deep breath and I felt like it was the first fullbreath I had taken in ages. I couldn’t wait to see what God had in store next.