Making Me Earn It
NOW THAT I'M RETIRED and have all the time in the world, I often use that time to worry about money. That brings me to a recent offer from Wells Fargo to get a $525 bonus for depositing $25,000 in a savings account for 90 days.
My immediate concern was whether the $525 would more than compensate for the paltry interest rate that Wells Fargo pays. A quick calculation determined that investing $25,000 in a Wells Fargo savings account and getting the $525 bonus—rather than the 4.25% I could then earn with Capital One 360 Performance Savings—would still leave me almost $260 ahead.
I clicked on the offer, and was emailed a “bonus offer code” that I then needed to show my “banker” at a Wells Fargo branch. While it seemed rather a dated process, I was still game. Besides, I liked the idea of having a “banker.” Maybe we could meet for a martini, talk about the fights, and then catch a show at the Copacabana.
Still, the more I thought about it, the idea of visiting a branch was a little confusing. At age 58, I was entirely too young. Did they think I didn’t know how to access the internet?
It felt like I might be in one of those Progressive commercials about the “young homeowners" who are turning into their parents. Was I going to visit a branch in person to pick up a toaster? It all seemed strange, as I hadn’t physically been inside a bank in more than 10 years.
Since the nearest Wells Fargo branch was 25 minutes away, I decided to also visit a Trader Joe’s near the bank. I made a 2:30 p.m. Monday appointment with my banker. In addition to my bonus, now I was looking forward to picking up some Trader Joe’s Kentucky Bourbon Straight Whiskey, English peas and a twelve-pack of Simpler Times Lager.
When I arrived at the bank 10 minutes early, I got a bad vibe. The place seemed so sterile. There was a bunch of empty cubicles in one corner, a waiting area where a woman was collating bank statements and what appeared to be my banker, who was deep in conversation with another customer.
After waiting on line for 15 minutes to check in with a teller, I was informed that I was next. Problem is, my banker was busy opening a credit card account. I thought, “Someone visited a branch to open a credit card account? Have I entered a wormhole to 1975?”
After waiting another 30 minutes, the branch manager informed me that I could continue to wait, make another appointment or open the account online. Hearing that third option almost made me apoplectic. But I calmly showed her the bonus offer email that I’d printed out, clearly stating that I needed to open the account at a branch.
As I wasn’t sure whether this branch was located in 1975 or 2024, I was thankful that I’d printed out the email just in case there was no wi-fi. She read my email and found it equally confusing.
I had come so far and waited for so long that I just had to see it through. And some 30 minutes later, Alex and I started the process. He read off numerous disclaimers, and entered my address, phone number and other vital information on his computer. He had me enter my Social Security number and birth date, and confirm a number of details on a keypad.
He also asked if I intended “to open the account just to get the bonus or to establish a relationship with Wells Fargo?”
I replied, “Let’s just see how this goes.”
It then dawned on me that, while much of the business world has been replaced by the internet, Wells Fargo had decided to try to have one man replace the internet. While it all seemed ridiculous, I had to admire Alex and his quixotic quest.
Alex then gave me three savings account options: Wells Fargo Way2Save at a 0.01% interest rate, Platinum at 0.25%, or opening a certificate of deposit.
I asked, “Can I open a CD and still get the $525?” Which was met with a resounding “no” from a disembodied voice.
I looked around and then up, before saying, “Is that you, God?”
That’s when I noticed the voice came from a previously unseen and dimly lit corner where a woman was sitting alone at a desk. I became just a little upset, not by her answer, but that she hadn’t opened my account some 60 minutes earlier.
Believe it or not, I went with Way2Save as it was specifically mentioned in my offer email. I didn’t want to compromise my two-and-a-half-hour odyssey due to the fine print.
When the end thankfully came, Alex mentioned that he was going “to slip all the paperwork into a manila envelope.” That seemed a perfect ending, as I can’t remember the last time anyone said that to me. I waited a moment before I said goodbye, just in case he wanted to give me my passbook.
I wanted to ask Alex why I had to open this account at a branch. But at this point, I was too exhausted. Further research indicates the goal may be to make the bonus so difficult to collect that no one actually gets the $525.
It’s either that or it’s an initiation, with the pain endured making you feel like you’re part of something special. A feeling that a new member might have after becoming a Navy SEAL (“the only easy day was yesterday”) or a Crip (“blood in, blood out”).
Immediately after shaking Alex’s hand, it started raining. Not just any rain, but biblical rain. I thought it might be an omen.
The next day, I tried to electronically transfer the required $25,000 into my account. I couldn’t. You see, Wells Fargo had thoughtfully limited my daily transfer to $5,000, with a monthly limit of $6,000.
When I contacted Alex, I was informed that this was done to protect me from fraud. He said that I needed to deposit the $25,000 by check.
I then let Alex know that I was planning to close the account as it was becoming quite apparent that I didn’t have what it takes to be a Wells Fargo depositor.
By the next day, my daily transfer limit was magically increased to $25,000. I guess having my own banker finally paid off.
Michael Flack blogs at AfterActionReport.info. He’s a former naval officer and 20-year veteran of the oil and gas industry. Now retired, Mike enjoys traveling, blogging and spreadsheets. Check out his earlier articles.The post Making Me Earn It appeared first on HumbleDollar.
