How to Support Someone Experiencing Chronic Pain

Perhaps there’s no worst feeling in the world than watching a loved one suffer and not being able to help. But there may be small things that can be done, only those acts may not be apparent. Here are ten ways to be supportive of a loved one who is in pain. It’s also important that chronic pain isn’t exclusively viewed as having to be physical pain. There are numerous other ways that a person may be debilitated by pain.

Understanding. Chronic physical pain may cause the sufferer to experience increased anxiety and/or depression. The sufferer may feel helpless/hopeless that his/her condition will ever improve or that she will always live a diminished life. He/she may feel that she is missing out on life or has become a burden to others. These are psychological issues that others may not recognize are present yet are significant in preventing the person from healing or making progress. Therefore, it is important to understand that psychological/mental, emotional, and spiritual health are as important as physical health and that these areas of a person’s life are also addressed. Thus, it may be necessary to research out to or contact support groups, mental health professionals, spiritual leaders, or other trained professionals to help in these areas.Listening. Sometimes a person needs to vent, and all that is required to be supportive is to listen. Advice and commentary aren’t always necessary. Being present and attentive may be enough.Observing. Often people with chronic pain shut down emotionally and refuse to discuss how they are feeling—especially persons who suffer from mental illness. Frequently, this is due to having been harshly criticized and dismissed previously by others around them. These surrounding people demonstrate little to no empathy and convey to the person experiencing the pain that he/she needs to get over it, stop whining, push through the pain, other people have it worse, they aren’t trying to get better, and that they will never recover or get better if they continue to wallow in self-pity. While it is important to encourage a person to work through his/her pain (whether it be physical, mental, or emotional), it is equally as important not to invalidate his/her feelings. Such statements could be harmful and cause setbacks. It is key to observe overt signs (e.g., decreased interest in hobbies, decreased physical activity, facial expressions, forgetfulness, irritability, mood swings, poor concentration, restlessness, sleep disturbances, suicidal ideation, and sweating).Learning. There is no better way to understand something than having accurate information about what it is. Take time to learn about the person’s illness and/or diagnosis.Encouraging. When a person has chronic pain, they may become too fatigued to continue to fight, at which point, someone else may need to pick up his/her cross for him/her. Seeing someone advocate on his/her behalf and help (note: this does not mean enable) and knowing he/she isn’t alone may reinvigorate the person to continue. As the song goes: one is the loneliest number. Ensure that the person understands that he/she isn’t alone. Be a positive in the person’s life.Competency. This may be especially important with older people who may be intimidated by or fearful of healthcare professionals. As a result, they may not seek appropriate people to help. For example, I remember my father discussing how his eldest brother never questions his longtime family physician despite a continuous decline in health. When my uncle complained of severe stomach pain and nausea, his family physician diagnosed him as having a sinus issue and performed a surgical procedure on his nose. It was months later when my uncle had lost a tremendous amount of weight and could barely stand that another physician diagnosed him with advanced cancer. A person who is experiencing chronic pain may not be thinking clearly or feel too helpless to understand or mentally process what is being said about their condition. Thus, they may need assistance in locating competent providers and treatment options.Communicating. Ask the person questions about what they need and how you can help. Offer to go with them to appointments, pick up prescriptions or medical supplies from the pharmacy, or run errands. Sometimes, the sufferer may not be aware of what he/she needs until someone asks.Socializing. A person who is experiencing chronic pain or illness may be omitted from being invited to social events because “no one wants a Debbie Downer.” Or it could be that people neglect to extend an invitation because they assume the person will not feel well enough to attend. These assumptions may cause the person to become ostracized. As a result, the person may have few friends or social interactions. Find an activity that the two of you can enjoy together and invite them out for the day. It could be going to brunch, a visit to a spa, or watching fireworks. Any activity will do as long as it allows the person an opportunity to get out of the house and into society.Be realistic. Don’t become a zealot and make promises that cannot be kept. Making false, inaccurate, or misleading promises could lead to later resentment and hurt feelings. Sometimes, there are limitations to what can be done, and it’s okay to admit them.Respecting. Understand, acknowledge, and respect personal boundaries. A person’s health is intimate information. For multiple reasons, a person may wish to be selective about whom and when he/she shares this information. That is his/her right and privilege. If a person indicates that he/she is reluctant, unwilling, or uncomfortable discussing their health issues, allow them that space. Remember, it is his/her health and their choice. You may disagree with some or all of his/her healthcare decisions.

That’s a wrap. Now, it’s your turn to sound off. What did you think? What is your take on the subject? Do you agree or disagree? Did you find this information helpful or informative? Did you learn anything new, or did it change your opinion? Let me know your thoughts in the comment section. Also, let me know if you would like me to cover more of these types of topics or dive deeper into this one. If you like this post, please click the like button and share it. Your feedback allows me to know the content that you want to read. If you’re not following me on Creole Bayou blog, what are you waiting for? There’s always room at the bayou.

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Author Bio

Genevive Chamblee resides in the bayou country where sweet tea and SEC football reign supreme. She is known for being witty (or so she thinks), getting lost anywhere beyond her front yard (the back is pushing it as she’s very geographically challenged), falling in love with shelter animals (and she adopts them), asking off-the-beaten-path questions that make one go “hmm,” and preparing home-cooked Creole meals that are as spicy as her writing. Genevive specializes in spinning steamy, romantic tales with humorous flair, diverse characters, and quirky views of love and human behavior. She also is not afraid to delve into darker romances as well.