Letting Things Be

Well, the first week of my new job is coming to a close, and I am astonished at just how much I’ve learned this week. But more than just the learning, I’m amazed at just how close I came to choosing a different path. I’ve said before that I always intended to be a teacher, and I really can’t express how hard it is to let yourself walk away from an old (or even current) ambition. Teaching as an adjunct would have completely sucked all of my love and passion for writing and literature away. I knew that back in the last residency of my M.F.A., but it was something I was willing to struggle through if it meant I had a career I liked.

I very nearly chose to be an adjunct. And while I am sad that I haven’t continued to pursue that dream, I’m also relived and elated that I’ve still found a career I love, and it pays more than enough for me to live a comfortable life. I’m motivated, I’m driven, I have enormous interest in continuing to expand my experience, and it’s a career that will lead me to many other opportunities. Honestly, where I am now feels like exactly where I’m supposed to be. Because really, I do love writing and reading more than anything else, but how much time would I have to do those things as an adjunct?

One of my mentors in my M.F.A. program, Vi Khi Nao, is one of the most prolific writers I have ever known personally. Since I’ve known her, she has had at least three books published and has written many, many more. She reads voraciously, insatiably. (Also, she’s an outstanding writer and you should absolutely read her work!) And that’s what I want to do: I want to write “like I’m running out of time,” “like tomorrow won’t arrive,” “like I need it to survive,” to quote one of my favorite songs from the musical Hamilton. I may not ever write or read as much as she does, but having that goal is something that motivates me.

So as this new job continues to expand my skillset, I am giving myself permission to let go of old goals, old ambitions, old dreams. And I’m allowing myself to simply be who I need to be in the moment. I’m still studying, I’m still digging deep into literature and finding new things to love and explore, and I am still committed to being a writer in every sense of the word. Those are my priorities.

What are your writing priorities?