The Rush of New Things
I’m on day four of my new job, and I couldn’t be any happier with how it’s going. I’m adjusting to the longer drive and the later days (I’m used to working from 6-2:30), but aside from that, I’ve been nothing by excited and pleased by the new position. This is the second major job I’ve ever had, and I’m thoroughly enjoying the work, the learning, the growing, and the promise for continued advancement. Moreover, the pay is more than I thought I’d ever make, if I’m honest, and that only fuels my desire to keep moving forward and trying my absolute hardest.
It’s been a bit of a challenge tackling full time grad school on top of the new job, but it isn’t insurmountable by any means. I take an hour long lunch every day, and during that time, I get reading done and I work on my two upcoming final projects/papers. Then, once I get home and I finish making dinner and taking care of the dog and the cat, I settle in and either relax or I get more homework done, even if it’s only a little. And so far, in my first week of these adjustments, it all seems to be working well.
I can’t even begin to express how fulfilling my life is and has been since my divorce. With every new year, with each new choice I make for myself and my own wellbeing, I fall more and more in love with myself, my goals, my ambitions, and my life.
Another big accomplishment: I came out to my family as bisexual.
The conversation did not go at all how I’d hoped, and that was painful and hard to take in the moment, but now, I feel so much lighter knowing that my family now knows who I am, in full. Nothing hidden. And the rush of that feels like large wings flapping, like I’m lifting off the ground little by little and preparing to soar above the trees. Elation. Absolute elation. And not just because I came out, but because I took such a difficult step. And to be clear, it’s a perfectly valid choice to not come out to your family, especially if they’re unsafe or untrustworthy with the information. But I genuinely never thought I’d have the courage to do something so difficult and so scary, but I am enormously proud of myself for doing so. Seeing the courage and the strength within myself to make those hard choices is something I’ve grown to love about myself.
It would be so much easier to just sit in a perpetual state of everyone else being responsible for my life, my happiness, my safety, my choices, but it is infinitely more fulfilling to recognize that I am the one in control of my life, my mind, my body. I get to choose for myself at every stage. It’s a beautiful feeling. And I’m building a beautiful present that will lead me to an even more beautiful future.
September is when my debut book of poetry will be published, and thus will begin my continued love affair with poetry and all genres of creative writing. My life is going to be one of love, one of beauty, and one of transparency.
