Playtime
MOVIE TITLE: Playtime
DIRECTOR: Dale Trevillion
YEAR: 1994
GENRE: Softcore Drama
RATING: R for sexual content (duh), violence, and language
GRADE: B
Yes, ladies, gentlemen, and non-binaries, it’s true. It’s all true. I’m so bankrupt for creative fuel that I’m actually going to analyze and review…a softcore porn movie. And because of the content I’m about to describe, I will not post this review on Amazon for fear of it getting deleted. Everywhere else is fair game. If the idea of two women masturbating in front of each other while staring at a naked pool man offends you, avert your eyes right away. If the idea of a man and woman having hot tub sex while an extra woman masturbates and even kisses the man upsets you, turn away now. If the idea of a stepmother giving her stepson a handjob in the name of sex education gets your knickers in a twist, well, you know the drill by now.
According to this narrative’s faulty logic, when the husbands are away playing golf, the wives will find excuses to masturbate. Any excuse they can. I’m bored, Geena, what do you want to do? I know, Lindsey! Let’s masturbate! Great idea! Yes, it seems like a great idea on paper, at least to one of the husbands (Joe). But to the other husband (Brad), it’s just another form of adultery. From a storytelling standpoint, the drama is there, but the logic is not. Of course it’s cheating! How is Brad the only one to realize this?! Divorce court is in session. Just kidding! The husbands unofficially trade wives and the cycle of cheating starts over again. Admittedly, nobody watches softcore porn for the storylines and character arcs alone. If they did, the movies would be poorly rated across the board. Same thing goes with the more hardcore stuff: the audience isn’t there for the existential crisis of a pizza delivery boy. They want to see some fucking!
And if it’s fucking you want, it’s fucking you’ll get! If you’re watching this movie in the Porn Hub era, you’ve been spoiled rotten and may not find the ejaculation you’re looking for in Playtime. But if you’re just getting introduced to sexual content…holy shit! Geena and Lindsey masturbating in front of each other will always sound appealing. Lindsey giving Joe a blowjob while he’s lying on a bearskin rug? Perfecto! Even something as simple as Geena and Brad having ordinary missionary sex will seem extraordinary to untainted eyes.
But I have to warn you ahead of time that you’ll become desensitized to the hot moments over the course of the movie. It’ll feel like they’re trying too hard to keep your sexual attention and they do. But once Brad starts telling his story about being seduced by his stepmother, it’ll be like a fresh new start. From a masturbatory standpoint, if you’re not already spoiled by internet porn, this movie will get you through your horniest moments, just like it did for me when I was younger. Lindsey comes off like a temptress because she believes in her own sexuality. She wears thong panties and bikini bottoms because she’s confident, not because she’s trying too hard. She’s easily the star of the show when it comes to sexual attention.
You could have a whole debate on how pornography of all kinds produces an unrealistic expectation of sex and you’d have a credible argument. Unless you’re in an open relationship, don’t expect your significant other to have as much enthusiasm for extramarital mutual masturbation as Joe had. I guarantee you if Lindsey touched herself in front of another man, he wouldn’t be so happy with her. As long as you question these sexual tropes and know that it’s a work of pure fiction, you won’t be damaged too much. You could argue that younger viewers won’t be able to distinguish reality from fantasy, so why not educate them on it?
Playtime has one goal above all else: to help its audience achieve orgasms straight across the board. It’s not an example of competent storytelling, but it doesn’t have to be. Sometimes a little cheesiness is necessary for an orgasm or long-lasting fantasy. Although, the scene where Geena and Lindsey describe their fantasies of having sex with door-to-door salesmen came out of nowhere in a big fucking hurry. Sounds like the writers just pulled that out of their asses. Also, the scene where Brad talks about his father beating the shit out of him sounds like a half-assed attempt to get sympathy on him.
But you know what? Despite the flaws, I’ll be forever grateful for this movie coming into my life when it did. Yeah, I was young enough to warrant being kept away from it, but when has that authoritarian state of mind ever worked? If I want to jerk off, I’ll jerk off. I have a whole lifetime to question what I’ve watched and that’s why this movie gets a B instead of an A (those are grades, not sexual puns). If this movie had been anything but a steamy erotica, it would get at most a D and at worst an F (again, those are grades, not sexual puns). This is my grading system and this is my school. Class dismissed! Please report to Sheridan (Brad’s stepmom) for Sexual Education 101 – Intro to Cheesy Sex.
DIRECTOR: Dale Trevillion
YEAR: 1994
GENRE: Softcore Drama
RATING: R for sexual content (duh), violence, and language
GRADE: B
Yes, ladies, gentlemen, and non-binaries, it’s true. It’s all true. I’m so bankrupt for creative fuel that I’m actually going to analyze and review…a softcore porn movie. And because of the content I’m about to describe, I will not post this review on Amazon for fear of it getting deleted. Everywhere else is fair game. If the idea of two women masturbating in front of each other while staring at a naked pool man offends you, avert your eyes right away. If the idea of a man and woman having hot tub sex while an extra woman masturbates and even kisses the man upsets you, turn away now. If the idea of a stepmother giving her stepson a handjob in the name of sex education gets your knickers in a twist, well, you know the drill by now.
According to this narrative’s faulty logic, when the husbands are away playing golf, the wives will find excuses to masturbate. Any excuse they can. I’m bored, Geena, what do you want to do? I know, Lindsey! Let’s masturbate! Great idea! Yes, it seems like a great idea on paper, at least to one of the husbands (Joe). But to the other husband (Brad), it’s just another form of adultery. From a storytelling standpoint, the drama is there, but the logic is not. Of course it’s cheating! How is Brad the only one to realize this?! Divorce court is in session. Just kidding! The husbands unofficially trade wives and the cycle of cheating starts over again. Admittedly, nobody watches softcore porn for the storylines and character arcs alone. If they did, the movies would be poorly rated across the board. Same thing goes with the more hardcore stuff: the audience isn’t there for the existential crisis of a pizza delivery boy. They want to see some fucking!
And if it’s fucking you want, it’s fucking you’ll get! If you’re watching this movie in the Porn Hub era, you’ve been spoiled rotten and may not find the ejaculation you’re looking for in Playtime. But if you’re just getting introduced to sexual content…holy shit! Geena and Lindsey masturbating in front of each other will always sound appealing. Lindsey giving Joe a blowjob while he’s lying on a bearskin rug? Perfecto! Even something as simple as Geena and Brad having ordinary missionary sex will seem extraordinary to untainted eyes.
But I have to warn you ahead of time that you’ll become desensitized to the hot moments over the course of the movie. It’ll feel like they’re trying too hard to keep your sexual attention and they do. But once Brad starts telling his story about being seduced by his stepmother, it’ll be like a fresh new start. From a masturbatory standpoint, if you’re not already spoiled by internet porn, this movie will get you through your horniest moments, just like it did for me when I was younger. Lindsey comes off like a temptress because she believes in her own sexuality. She wears thong panties and bikini bottoms because she’s confident, not because she’s trying too hard. She’s easily the star of the show when it comes to sexual attention.
You could have a whole debate on how pornography of all kinds produces an unrealistic expectation of sex and you’d have a credible argument. Unless you’re in an open relationship, don’t expect your significant other to have as much enthusiasm for extramarital mutual masturbation as Joe had. I guarantee you if Lindsey touched herself in front of another man, he wouldn’t be so happy with her. As long as you question these sexual tropes and know that it’s a work of pure fiction, you won’t be damaged too much. You could argue that younger viewers won’t be able to distinguish reality from fantasy, so why not educate them on it?
Playtime has one goal above all else: to help its audience achieve orgasms straight across the board. It’s not an example of competent storytelling, but it doesn’t have to be. Sometimes a little cheesiness is necessary for an orgasm or long-lasting fantasy. Although, the scene where Geena and Lindsey describe their fantasies of having sex with door-to-door salesmen came out of nowhere in a big fucking hurry. Sounds like the writers just pulled that out of their asses. Also, the scene where Brad talks about his father beating the shit out of him sounds like a half-assed attempt to get sympathy on him.
But you know what? Despite the flaws, I’ll be forever grateful for this movie coming into my life when it did. Yeah, I was young enough to warrant being kept away from it, but when has that authoritarian state of mind ever worked? If I want to jerk off, I’ll jerk off. I have a whole lifetime to question what I’ve watched and that’s why this movie gets a B instead of an A (those are grades, not sexual puns). If this movie had been anything but a steamy erotica, it would get at most a D and at worst an F (again, those are grades, not sexual puns). This is my grading system and this is my school. Class dismissed! Please report to Sheridan (Brad’s stepmom) for Sexual Education 101 – Intro to Cheesy Sex.
No comments have been added yet.
