Vulnerability

One of the things I've struggled with since bringing myself to self-publish is allowing myself to be vulnerable. I admit it. I've allowed myself to be jaded when it comes to my own work, thinking I can succeed by keeping everything a secret. It was hard for me to speak up to anyone and say "Yo, I write books!". Honestly, at times, I felt stupid for saying it.

And I felt vindicated for not letting myself be vulnerable after Run for Me got shit on by "a professional". (That's something I'm not going to let go for a while. I'm mad at myself for letting someone else dictate how I role.)

But then when some older dude walks into your workplace with his wife and walks up to the counter and says "Hey, you like books?" and throws a business card at you... What do you got to lose?

Side note. I shit you not. Dude walks in with his wife, shops around, and when they are at the counter paying he looks me in the eye and asks if I like books. Didn't have the courage to say "Yeah, so much that I write the fool things." but hey. Lessons learned.

I ended up buying one of his books. It was Will Wyckoff. Rabbit Trails is a good read. Not exactly my cup of tea, but heck. Get out of your comfort zone a bit.

That experience made me realize how much I'm missing out on by not being confident, and by extension, vulnerable. Who cares if people think I'm weird. EVERYONE is weird somehow. Not everyone likes the same things and if someone thinks less of me for it, hell with them.

So I've been off and on promoting my stuff on Reddit in the self-published sub-Reddit. Nothing major, but it's a start.

Another area where I've been hesitant is writing reviews. I've been worried about saying the wrong things and upsetting someone and having it reflect poorly on me. But then again, who cares? People hop on the internet, mad as all hell, every day anyway. Someone, somewhere, that I don't even know hates me already!

It's a start.

PS: I mentioned to my wife about getting business cards that say something along the lines of Nick Bolock - Author of the Occult with a Star of Solomon on it. Somehow she was onboard when I was really trying to spook her. Aw well. Back to the drawing board.