#hearLDSwomen: I Was Shamed and Called Attention-Seeking When I Asked to Hold My Baby During His Blessing

[image error]While preparing to bless our baby, I had wanted to participate by holding her since that would be the only church ordinance for our children that I would be able to be a (small) part of. But I was worried about making a fuss, I was worried that my Bishop would say no, and I was worried people would judge me. I also wanted to let my husband have this special moment with our child.

We chose only close family, one friend, and the Bishop to join in the blessing. I wanted it to be men who love my baby and who would be there for her through all of life’s ups and downs. So imagine my surprise when everyone invited to participate joins in a circle around my baby, and a complete stranger from the Stake steps in beside my husband. Sitting in the pews, there was nothing I could do. So I watched as a stranger participated in this sacred moment with my child because he held the priesthood, while I sat beneath them, powerless because I am a woman.

– Anonymous

 

The missionaries in our branch baptized a very sweet family with a newborn baby. Very quickly the husband was ordained with the priesthood so he could bless the baby. On the day of the blessing, the wife proudly carried the baby up to the front with her husband by her side. The branch president took the baby from her arms, handed it to the husband, and directed her to a seat in the congregation. The look of utter confusion on her face was heartbreaking.

– ST

 

This same thing happened in my ward with a single mother. Only add that the mother and baby were black and all but one of the men in the circle were white. She never came back to church.

– LP

 

This reminded me one recent baby blessing in our branch. Baby’s mother is an inactive member, father is non-member, therefore the baby was blessed by a leader who is a complete stranger to the baby. The baby was crying. But still the non-member father was the one who took the baby to the stand and stood beside the circle, not his mother who is a member. The mother sat silently in a back row!

– ES

 

When I told my Bishop I wanted to hold my baby during his blessing, I was accused of being a attention-seeking and shamed. I actually wanted to help bless my baby but was trying to stay faithful. When I spoke with a member of the Stake Presidency about this, he instantly said he didn’t see why holding my baby would be an issue. He said he would check for me but left me feeling hopeful. The next week in church, the Stake Presidency member cited the handbook apologetically and backed up the Bishop. I was devastated. I had prayed for guidance for my family and a handbook trumped my personal revelation.

– Anonymous

 

I felt very invisible when I wasn’t allowed to hold my baby during his baby blessing, not even inside my own home. This was actually the best bishop I’ve ever had. But this was very painful.

– Kristen

 

Pro Tip: When a woman under your stewardship makes a request that goes against the norm, perform a thought exercise where you ask yourself, what is the harm? And, what would Jesus do? And, am I putting policies before people?

Click here to read all of the stories in our #hearLDSwomen series. Has anything like this happened to you? Please share in the comments or submit your experience(s) to participate in the series.

“If any man have ears to hear, let him hear.” (Mark 4:23)