MLD typo, errata, and spoiler discussion thread
3/8 update: the corrections have gone in. If anyone finds any more... keep them a secret.
Meanwhile, the spoiler discussion part of the thread remains open for business. Have fun.
Ta, L.
This has seemed to work well before...
Herewith an open comment thread to report any typos or other errata spotted in "Mira's Last Dance", and for people who have already read the story to discuss it with each other.
One typo, one brain-o, and a bit of missing front-matter reported in the immediately prior thread already, sigh. I hope there won't be too many more. My plan is to give it a few more days and a lot more fresh eyes to find all we can, then send the collection in for one correction round. Which is not something one can do with printed books. Bug or feature...?
The spoilered discussion is all up to you.
Ta, L.
Meanwhile, the spoiler discussion part of the thread remains open for business. Have fun.
Ta, L.
This has seemed to work well before...
Herewith an open comment thread to report any typos or other errata spotted in "Mira's Last Dance", and for people who have already read the story to discuss it with each other.
One typo, one brain-o, and a bit of missing front-matter reported in the immediately prior thread already, sigh. I hope there won't be too many more. My plan is to give it a few more days and a lot more fresh eyes to find all we can, then send the collection in for one correction round. Which is not something one can do with printed books. Bug or feature...?
The spoilered discussion is all up to you.
Ta, L.
message 1:
by
Lora
(new)
Mar 01, 2017 12:26PM
Typo: The archdivine of Adira had assigned him to his duke ...
reply
|
flag
Extra word: “It’s been building up in me up all day.”
Lora wrote: "Typo: The archdivine of Adira had assigned him to his duke ..."Ah. I just read right past that one an hour ago. Again.
On the list it goes.
Thanks, L.
Judy wrote: "Extra word: “It’s been building up in me up all day.”"And that one, too.
Anyone who doesn't understand why the writer is the worst at proofing their own work hasn't tried it. (Granted, there are some gaffes only the writer can spot, if the wrong word is correctly spelled and plausible.)
Ta, L.
I find it easier to spot typos if I read aloud. It slows me down enough to notice more.
Loved it! Some really very minor queries that may not actually be errors:-
"Possibly not such a wise move; abruptly, not all the men who were staring were staring only at him." Think that second "not" makes more sense as "now"?
"Her good-byes were ambiguous, though polite" but "He made his correct and civil goodbyes" - to hyphenate or not to hyphenate?
More please. Particularly if you're going to introduce me to such lovely words as mulct and sessile.
Andrew
Andrew wrote: "Loved it! Some really very minor queries that may not actually be errors:-
"Possibly not such a wise move; abruptly, not all the men who were staring were staring only at him." Think that secon..."
I assumed that the second {not} was intended to imply that some of the men were now staring at Nikys, rather than all staring at Penric/Mira.
Jerri wrote: "Andrew wrote: "Loved it! Some really very minor queries that may not actually be errors:-
"Possibly not such a wise move; abruptly, not all the men who were staring were staring only at him." T..."
Correct.
Hyphenation, on the other hand, is an ongoing guerilla war for me.
Ta, L.
"Discernable" is generally spelled "discernible," although the former is considered an alternate. Autocorrect prefers the version with the "i"Mira's simpering brings to mind Robin in Heyer's "The Masqueraders."
I'm on my third read-through, trying to actually proofread, but keep getting caught up in the story...
First, I enjoyed this, more than some of the other things I've been reading recently. (I really liked the Romeo and Juliet reference.)I know I am a bit of a curmudgeon - the split infinitives interrupt the flow for me, as do Americanisms like "dove" instead of "dived". Other things in usage please me, though, such as always using "'s" (apostrophe-s) for possessive nouns, even ones that end in "s" already.
I know modern writing has to walk the line between stuffy fully-correct usage and relaxed conversational expression, and I appreciate the difficulties. I seem to be more in the stuffy camp than the chatty one. Nowadays I don't do much writing (I had to do a lot in my last job, mostly informal papers and emails), but when I find myself splitting an infinitive I stop and ask how I might be able to express the idea better. (There was a temptation just then.) Maybe some of this comes from living in Europe for the last four years, but I bet it's mostly just being a fuddy-duddy.
Notes: "to not be" occurs twice (the only negated split infinitive I've found); "to better (verb)" occurs only once, as "to better know"; "dove" occurs twice, in two near paragraphs. I stopped at "overexaggerate" and finally accepted it, but I still feel uneasy about that sentence.
If I find more I will let you know.
By the way, the cover seems to be a modification of a still life by Jacob van Walscapelle. See link: https://www.artsy.net/artwork/jacob-v...
Shane wrote: "First, I enjoyed this, more than some of the other things I've been reading recently. (I really liked the Romeo and Juliet reference.)I know I am a bit of a curmudgeon - the split infinitives int..."
Split infinitives, as well as dangling participles, seem to be an ongoing debate among grammarians. My more high-powered ones (as, Oxford PhD) advise me that both concerns, iirc, are an artifact of Latin-steeped 19th C. grammarians trying to import the rules of that alien language (or just rules, period) into the more fluid Germanic English, with mixed results. In both cases, I let rhythm, flow, and emphasis be my guide, not debated grammar points. However, enough persons have an induced artificial allergy to the constructions that I try to limit them. Rather like not serving peanuts on airplanes.
You are out of luck on dove and a few similar words, especially in faux-archaic fantasy. The uniform -ed endings that computer-driven spellchuckers now insist upon make my teeth itch.
Still thinking about the British phobia re: "got" and "gotten". I suspect it may be a class-driven thing, tho' also another difference between Brit and American usage.
The absence of the cover credit in the front matter was a formatting glitch, which I will address in a single pass when it looks like the typo-hunt has hit diminishing returns. But it did get mentioned in my original cover post:
https://www.goodreads.com/author_blog...
Yeah, Shakespeare. Still fun after 400 years! Perhaps in part because of 400 years...
Ta, L.
Hmm, I missed that explanation of the cover, obviously. All that research (well, 15 minutes) and you said the same thing already. Sigh.
[Insert] items in square brackets,[/delete] them if the item is marked with a slash,
and [/thees][these] are a replacement.
Angle brackets surround spelled-out characters like .
The "|" character is OR as in this | that
{This is a note to the recipient which is not intended to be
part of the final text.}
-------------------------------------------------------------
“Does he have a short temper?[/’][”]
“Is it the demon?[/’][”] Pen asked Nikys, bluntly. It had been
so before. More than one woman, attracted at first by his looks
and whatever glamour she imagined hung about a sorcerer, had
decided upon closer acquaintance that he was a walking
quagmire, and wallowed away like a panicked pony escaping a
bog.
“Oh,” she said. “Yes. That. Young fools. Although the old fools were the worse.” She snorted. “I won’t say they got what they deserved, because no one deserves to lose their child, but it it’s to be hoped they’ve learned a lesson from the gods that they refused from anyone else. Everyone in town was tired of their riot and rumpus.” She gave way and opened her door."but it it’s to be hoped"
-> but it is to be hoped
-> but it's to be hoped
I know about spielchuckers. But they ARE useful for checking wordlists of all the words in a story. To give an example, a book I once worked on had an off-stage character whose name was spelled as "Eric" in one half of the typeset and "Erik"(same character) in the other half. THAT showed up as a flare-lit tipoff when I ran the checker over the list, because checkers bitch about names and call my attention to them, and the dual spelling was obvious. FYI, I'm working on the wordlist for Mira right now and will report any findings here. Thank you for another wonderful story.
Wordlist check complete. Nothing actionable found.The reason I run the spellchecker over the wordlist instead of the book text is, it's only gonna bitch ONCE about words like "workwomanlike". (Nice word, by the way. I sneered at the spellchecker and continued. Thank you.)
Now I can go back to actually reading the story.
If anybody wants the details about how I do what I call "ancillary checks," just let me know.
there are some gaffes only the writer can spotIndeed. I once did a scan/OCR/proofread of a book for my personal collection, and sent the RTF text as a gift to the author. He was delighted, but also (God bless him!), went through it and pointed out all the places in the text where the OCR had mis-spelled Nordic names with the wrong characters, e.g. O-umlaut where a different character should have been.
re Dove/DivedHuh! For some odd reason (probably due to dialect where I grew up, or books I imprinted on as a wee creature), I am hideously unkeen on "dived" -- and got a major twitch when Penric/Mira "weaved" instead of "wove" through the dagger-fight. But it's a variant, so not a typo.
Elizabeth wrote: "re Dove/DivedHuh! For some odd reason (probably due to dialect where I grew up, or books I imprinted on as a wee creature), I am hideously unkeen on "dived" -- and got a major twitch when Penric/..."
Yeah, I think I let the spellchucker overrule me on that one. Weak moment.
Ta, L.
Ed wrote: "“Oh,” she said. “Yes. That. Young fools. Although the old fools were the worse.” She snorted. “I won’t say they got what they deserved, because no one deserves to lose their child, but it it’s to b..."Ed wrote: "“Oh,” she said. “Yes. That. Young fools. Although the old fools were the worse.” She snorted. “I won’t say they got what they deserved, because no one deserves to lose their child, but it it’s to b..."
I actually wondered here about "a lesson" v "the lesson" because it was a specific lesson that they would not learn. (This may just be the Greek in me coming out.)
Not actually an error, but stopped the lovely flow of words (for me): "... he supposed that he'd better make enough of a show that their hostess realized he'd done anything at all" I'd be better with the negative more directly stated, "...he supposed that he'd better make a bit of a show of it, or their hostess would not realize that he'd done anything at all"
... and then would go on with would not credit him for it
Just had to say, as I'm reading on, that I just love this. I'm at the point where he sneaks a peek at Nicky's soul, after just looking at her brother without any hesitation. The care with which he treats N, the consciousness of her privacy. It is just one of the things I love about P.
Jill wrote: "... and then would go on with would not credit him for it"This one's a tense conflict/confusion, which given we're talking about a hypothetical future action, can be tricky. I think the line would best be smoothed out by making it, "...enough of a show that his hostess would realize..."
We'll see. I will likely collate and send in the corrections later today, as reports seem to be slowing down. The longer I wait, the more stuff may surface, but also the more people will be buying an uncorrected edition.
Which brings up another question. Can Kindle owners (I can't speak to the other two platforms) replace an earlier edition by reloading the file somehow, perhaps from the "manage your devices" page?
Ta, L.
Lois wrote: Can Kindle owners (I can't speak to the other two platforms) replace an earlier edition by reloading the file somehow, perhaps from the "manage your devices" page?Yes. Go to the manage your contents and devices, and on the far right, after the "collections" column, a button appears that says
" i Update Available" Click on that and it will send the update to your devices. I understand that if they aren't turned on at the moment, the updates will be delivered the next time you turn on. Sometimes I have received an email saying an update was available, sometimes I don't. Not sure why.
I'm ambivalent about this one:"You think I'm a... called as a physician" I love the byplay of the interruptions, and he might have switched to "called as a physician" while he was being hassled, but if it's a continuation of his sentence it doesn't work.
Not sure what's wrong with this (if anything): ...it seemed a sufficient substitute that all her anxieties failed to keep her awake long." Just didn't flow right for me. I don't have the training to know why.
"He wasn't worried about the other madame's modesty" In this context, madam has a specific meaning that does not apply to Nikys. Maybe "woman" would be better?
Jill wrote: "I'm ambivalent about this one:"You think I'm a... called as a physician" I love the byplay of the interruptions, and he might have switched to "called as a physician" while he was being hassled, b..."b He could grimace at them in some way and then say "let's go with called as a physician"
Just not presenting it as a continuation of the sentence.
I do not remember enough about the magical system in this world to know if this matters, but in most worlds, a mage handing a lock of his hair to someone is an unheard of act of trust. Makes me think that we may see Chadro in the future, which is all to the good - I liked him!
I got visually tangled up in this: Chadro cast Mira an oddly shy sidewise glance. "I could try." She smiled back, and stroked him kindly on the cheek. Interrupting this exchange, Penric leaned down to Chadro's ear and whispered..." Who is stroking him kindly when Penric interrupts? And Penric whispers behind his hand. Which hand, the one that is stroking? I'm just tangled up.
I loved the catalog of his demons riders in the next bit.
Love that Penric knows that his prayers are not the only ones the Bastard answers. That his odd travel and troubles might have been sent by the God as help for someone else. Have thought that many times when reading different books, was brought to the fore in Jim Butcher's short story in Mean Streets. Really love characters who have the perspective that they are not the center of the universe.
"There would be time by now for first words of the fate..."Either the first words or first word
Jill wrote: ""He wasn't worried about the other madame's modesty" In this context, madam has a specific meaning that does not apply to Nikys. Maybe "woman" would be better?"Nope. One would lose a whole lot of subtext from the interplay between the two meanings.
Jill wrote: "I got visually tangled up in this: Chadro cast Mira an oddly shy sidewise glance. "I could try." She smiled back, and stroked him kindly on the cheek. Interrupting this exchange, Penric leaned down... Who is stroking him kindly when Penric interrupts?
She, i.e. Mira, i.e. Penric.
And Penric whispers behind his hand. Which hand, the one that is stroking?
Might have left off stroking, might be the other hand. Doesn't matter. Two persons, Mira and Pen, for a total of... two hands, but they had to take turns.
I'm just tangled up.
So is Penric. :-)
The sliding pronouns were a hoot to play with, when Mira came out. In several senses.
"There would be time by now for first words of the fate..."
Either the first words or first word
Nope. Since there are a multiplicity of potentially conflicting tales, several or all of which might have reached Adria by then, simultaneously or in sequence.
L.
Wish there were a way to "like" (as in signing that I've seen them and it's all to the good) your comments!
Jill wrote: "I'm ambivalent about this one:"You think I'm a... called as a physician" I love the byplay of the interruptions, and he might have switched to "called as a physician" while he was being hassled, b..."
Even grammarian Penric doesn't track his sentences that closely when in the midst of speaking. Dialogue, which is a model of speech (but seldom a direct replication, because that tends not to work well) runs on a different set of rules than those made up for formal essay writing, because it has a different purpose.
(Overenthusiastic young copyeditors who try to change a character's speech from "ain't" to "is not" are why the STET stamp was invented.)
Ta, L.
Later: not about grammar rules, but rather, more global issues of "rules for writing" :
http://www.pcwrede.com/rules-again/
Lovely. Now my only concern is that I want to know what happens next... but if I knew that I'd want to know what happens next after that; I am filled to the brim with "next?s). I will work at being satisfied, instead!
Lois said:The sliding pronouns were a hoot to play with, when Mira came out. In several senses.
Thanks, they were a hoot to read as well.
And thanks for 'mulct', that was a new one for me. I usually don't have to look words up anymore.
Stayed up far too late last night to finish reading this. Thank you, though. Every new story is a gift.Hope you have more for us soon. I begin to wonder if this short taste begins to be woven into a full Penric novel... The ending felt so much more like a chapter-end than the true end of the tale.
I found myself reflecting afterward on the parallels and contrasts between Penric/Chadro/Nikys vs Aral/Cordelia/Jole.
75% of the way through: You have no idea how long, thought Mira. I had no idea.
"I" should be in italics, as "You have no idea how long" and "had no idea" already are.
Comprise wrote: "75% of the way through: You have no idea how long, thought Mira. I had no idea.
"I" should be in italics, as "You have no idea how long" and "had no idea" already are."
"I" in this case follows the convention that when in italics, words that would be italicized (for emphasis, or whatever) against a background Roman type, are instead reversed and given in Roman type against the background of italics.
I don't think it's a perfect solution to the problem, but at least it's a standard one. In this case, the intent would be more obvious had the word fallen within the sentence rather than at the front following the Roman-typed speech tag.
Ta, L.
I was so enchanted with the story that even the old schoolteacher in me completely missed all but one of the items mentioned above.Thank you, Lois. Again.
PS Note to Grover Gardener--Even though the Kindle is easier on my eyes, I still need the audio-version. Please?
A grammar nit:Chadro returned with Zihre in tow, gone wide-eyed.
From context it's obvious what you mean here, but taken alone, this sentence has "Chadro" as the subject for both parts, which I'm sure is not what you mean. A rewrite that avoids this might be
Chadro returned with Zihre, wide-eyed, in tow.
or
Chadro returned with a wide-eyed Zihre in tow.
But as I said, it's really a nit. Stet, if you like.
Shane wrote: "A grammar nit:Chadro returned with Zihre in tow, gone wide-eyed.
From context it's obvious what you mean here, but taken alone, this sentence has "Chadro" as the subject for both parts, which I'..."
Reasonable dink. I sent the others in already, and if the redo is done, it is Too Late; if not, not. We'll see.
I'll post a note when the corrected file becomes available for reload (after testing it on my own Kindle. I've learned...)
Ta, L.
I am visualizing the opening of the next installment of the Perils of Penric, with Nikys singing "I'm Just a Bird in a Gilded Cage"...
I am so happy that you are exploring this new form. One of my all-time favorite stories is Mountains of Mourning. I think that the novella length can be extremely satisfying. (And I'm also fine with serialized chapters of a larger work...) I've just re-listened to a Baen interview you did where you mentioned interpolations in a series and it gives me hope that at some point you will want to explore grandparent-hood with Aral and Cordelia (dreams of Christmas at Sergyar).
Lois wrote: "if the redo is done, it is Too Late"Yeah, sorry for the tardiness. I got distracted by the Real World and didn't get back to P&D til this morning.
