Living With A Serial Killer Or Two
Living with two K9 American serial killers can be a daunting situation at times!
The white dog on the right is my Pomeranian, Bijon, and Poodle mix named Scout and the dog on the left is my rescue Chihuahua-Terrier mix named Lucy. Scout’s AKA is ‘The White Stalker’ and Lucy’s AKA is ‘The Shedding Nightmare.’ I love these two so much but somethings got to give with this killing spree these two heathens are on. STOP THE MADNESS!
I have found dead bodies all over the house and if you step on one just right it squeaks thus scaring the shit out of you. There are times, on the way to the bathroom when my bladder is so full it hurts, for example, that I will step on one of these little cuss dead bodies, it will squeak, and I will nearly wet my pants from the scare. See below.
Don’t even ask me what kind of creature it is because I have no idea what I’m looking at either. The poor thing has been ripped to shreds, gutted, and I believe its neck is broken. The two K9 Americans have no idea that it is beyond dead and cannot be violently shook back to life, I think this my be a K9 American’s way of CPR, I’m not sure, no matter how much they shake the shit out of it and no matter how loud they growl, it ain’t coming’ back to life, it ain’t Lazarus.
The other day I was innocently watering my plants when I nearly stepped on a dead chipmunk body as ‘The Stalker’ came running over all hyped up on his doggie speed dancing around the thing so proud he was nearly wetting his fur. I on the other hand, as I got the shovel for the 97th time that week, was appalled, especially when the maggots all fell out as I was scooping it up to go and add to the growing pile of the fallen chipmunks. Oh, hell, there goes my breakfast! There has been a shock and awe reinged down on all the chipmunks who even think they can come in our yard, bodies everywhere, maggots galore, and I just don’t think I can take anymore death and did I mention those maggots make my skin crawl?
Now, ‘The Shedder’ has her own methods of death and its a bit gentler, if you can call violently dying gentle, let’s just say she shakes the shit out of the mangled ‘thing’ lying on the floor but she makes it look lady like somehow. See below.
That red thing there used to be one of those long red dogs that those Pet Smart commercials show when that little Dachshund is carrying it around and its adorable. Well, this poor soul has been so disfigured I have no idea why we don’t bury the poor thing but The Shedder loves this thing as she growls and shakes it horribly but in a gentle lady like way, mind you.
I’ve seriously considered changing my K9 American’s names to ‘Bonnie and Clyde’ as some of their behaviors are starting to look a little too similar and its a bit scary if you ask me.
So, I thought of something one day, how about I get an indestructible toy that they can’t get killed and by God, I found it. See below.
By some miracle Bonnie and Clyde have been unable to dismember this Chew Tuff dinosaur! They’ve even tried working together to rip it in half playing a violent tug of war and NOTHING, they can’t break this thing. I even saw them get mad at each other because they had tried so hard and both failed so they growled at each other as if to say, “You weakling, its your fault this isn’t working!”
I will have to say this, Bonnie and Clyde are two of the greatest dogs there is and I love them to bits. An owner’s love looks past the serial killing, the dead bodies, and the maggots and still loves them. They better be thankful I love them unconditionally otherwise I’d call the cops AKA dog catcher and send them to jail!
Love y’all and you too my K9 Bonnie and Clyde!!♥
