Confusion and Bewilderment

I have had two conversations in the last 24 hours that illustrated how little men and women know about expectations, boundaries, and what beliefs created in childhood do to continue the confusion and bewilderment that so many of us experience.

Men seem to believe that it is very important that they make it clear to a woman when they are attracted to her- as if establishing themselves as masculine, self-assured, sexy and powerful make them unique in some way.

It also doesn’t often occur to men that a woman, who appears sexy to us, might have had experiences of men only being attracted to her body – and not actually giving a rat’s ass about her heart and soul or intellect. For many women, being seen as sexy is a reminder that they are not safe or valued or honored. Being actually listened to, and engaging in dialogue actually creates the space for connection.

Then a man actually shows up as secure, grounded, caring and noble- and that is very attractive.

The second conversation was with a young woman ,who at a social gathering, had a male acquaintance grope one of her breasts. When she addressed it with him later, his reaction was “I was just playing. I didn’t mean anything by it. Sorry.”

That was bad enough. What was a bit more surprising was her acceptance that that’s how men her age “operate”. In fact, another female friend had a male acquaintance put his penis in her hand as if to say that he expected her to be turned on by the size of it and his raw macho energy.

She was not aroused to put it mildly.

It is important that men and women start telling each other the truth about how they want people to interact with them- and if that is unacceptable to some folks -then so be it.

There is so much ugly, negative energy happening culturally right now that it is crucial that we bring kindness, intelligence and curiosity to ourselves and others around us – rather than ways of being that are based on porno movies and bad pop lyrics− or the raving of narcissists.

And if this level of communication seems impossible, let me assure you, it’s not.

I am here to help you and others are also available to support you…

@CoachMeDave