Covert Needs

In recent conversations with clients who have found themselves at odds with their supervisors at work, as well as family members, I have woken up to why I was so incredibly unsuccessful and unfulfilled in almost every job I ever held.

It’s relatively simple. Those of us who felt unappreciated, unrecognized or unloved at home often went to work with covert terms around our context for working. In English, that sounds like, “I’ll do what you want – but only if you show me love and like me better than others – and constantly say so- and for God’s sake don’t actually ask or expect me to do the work that you need. And please fit into my picture of someone who’s great – because if you don’t, I will absolutely, consistently, covertly dismiss you as someone who needs to be fixed and inherently wrong, ALL the time; yet, I’ll still need your approval.

Whew.

Consider this. Before you go to work or to a family gathering or in any situation in which you are clear how wrong others are- ask yourself this first:

What have I been looking for from this person or situation?

What have they been looking for from me?

Would I be willing to consider adopting a different perspective?

If so- what?

If not, why not?

Perhaps, this could be the starting point for some powerful growth in your life. Think on it.

@CoachMeDave