4 Secrets That Will Keep You Connected to Your Kids Whatever Their Age
One of the most common concerns I get from parents is, “Sometimes I feel disconnected from my child,” We tend to blame it on growth stages and phases—terrible twos, teenage years, hormones, whatever. The truth is we all want to develop a strong bond that lasts through adulthood, but, more often than not, life happens, and we end up focusing on getting through the day rather than nourishing what is in front of us. We get stuck on the doing of chores, completing to-do lists, and monitoring and chauffeuring our children.
So are there secrets to staying connected to your kids at every age while in the midst of the doing? Yes! Here are 4 surefire ways:
Always listen. There is a big difference between hearing and listening. Hearing is when we pay attention to the sound; listening is when we pay attention to the sound and the source. Our kids don’t always need us to solve their problems for them. Sometimes they just need us to be there while they talk the situation through and resolve their own conflicts. So allow your kids to complete their sentences and stories uninterrupted. If you feel the urge to jump in, respond with, “Ok, I see, uh-huh, really,” or substitute words that allow them to complete their thoughts. Sometimes, all they are looking for is someone to listen. When we listen to them about the small things, they will know they can always come to us for the big things.
Always show respect. We throw around the word respect very casually, but respect means understanding our kids’ own emotions and personalities. We must stop comparing our kids to their neighbors, siblings, or peers. Most importantly, we should stop comparing our children to ourselves. Conflict sets in when we see our children differ from us. It jars our vision and tips our expectations of our children—setting up disappointment and frustration for everyone. Respect means understanding that we are all individuals with our own ways of learning and relating. For example, I might be a visual person and love handwriting and scheduling my day in a paper planner. My child might be more organized on a computer or like to take notes on an iPad. We should respect our kids enough to appreciate how they differ from us and give them the room to discover what works best for them. That’s true respect!
Always start with a “yes” to any request. We say the word “no” a lot, don’t we? What if we turned the tables and started saying, “yes” first. Instead of saying, “No, honey, we can’t go to the movies today, maybe we’ll go this weekend,” we can say, “Yes, honey, that sounds like a great movie. Let’s plan on doing that this weekend.” When we lead with the “no,” our kids rarely hear what comes after. We are prewired to shut down when we hear the negative. How would you feel if you heard, “No, you can’t go the party. You have too much homework,” rather than, “Yes, the party sounds fun. Finish up your homework so you can go.” The second is so much better, right? So let’s always lead with “yes.”
Always have good food around. Food is the great unifier. It’s the way to everyone’s heart! Every culture celebrates with special dishes. All of us remember favorite foods that our parents and grandparents made. However, today, we find it challenging to keep up traditions of dinnertime as a family, celebrating a meal with each other. Passing down family food traditions to our kids is an important way to forge a long-lasting bond and build our relationship with them. Let your children help out in the kitchen when they are young. Teach them about healthy eating and foster those eating habits. Kids learn best by imitation, and that applies to our philosophy about food as well. If we show them a healthy lifestyle, they will most likely follow in our footsteps. When our kids become adults, they will look forward to a home-cooked meal and pass on that tradition to their own kids. My adult son recently told me that one of the reasons he loves coming home is because there is always food here. “Your food always puts me in a good mood,” he said.
Yes, these secrets to staying connected could seem like a lot of work and effort at the front end. But I reassure you the benefits in the long run will be priceless. They will help you build relationships and stay connected with your kids at any stage and at every age.
In Joy!
The post 4 Secrets That Will Keep You Connected to Your Kids Whatever Their Age appeared first on Tools of Growth.
