Flaunting Can Be Daunting
Can our emphasis on winning set our kids up for failure?
We live in a society where parents tend to brag a lot. We brag about their awards, the number of activities they are involved in, the touchdowns they made, their exceptional SAT scores, the new gadgets they possess. We even brag about how much homework they have! We flaunt all this in public because we are proud of accomplishments. But what does this outward show of pride end up doing to our children and our community?
When we continually play up the wins, what we are really saying to our kids is that our standards are so high that we expect them to come out on top time after time. Unknowingly, we are also putting pressure on them to set their own standards high —sometimes impossibly high. By sharing these wins so publicly, we are unwittingly saying to them that we always expect the trophy or the 4.0.
It might be a rude awakening to find out that we are contributing to the rise in:
early childhood depression—which alters brain development
teenage anxiety—which contributes to mood disorders
stress in college students—which affects their mental and physical well being
So what can we do to stop our flaunting from becoming daunting? Here are three of the most common situations where we can learn to keep our bragging in check and avoid contributing to greater depression, anxiety, competition, and stress.
Winning Awards
Winning is great, it feels good, and we want to celebrate it. But we can’t possibly always win! Shouldn’t we be celebrating the experience just as much as the trophy? (link to experience post). How do we do that? First, be empathetic. Keep in mind that while our children might have won a contest, other kids didn’t. Don’t cross the fine line between sharing and bragging. Check in with your intentions. These are golden opportunities to teach our kids that hard work is its own reward, and we can be proud of everyone who did their best.
Overscheduling Sports & Activities
We talk a lot about life being a balance. For a concrete example, help your kids balance academics and extracurricular activities. Instead of signing them up for two or three activities, sign them up for one that they can concentrate on. The less they do, the more focused they will be on what they do and will be more committed to it. Remember that “less is more” when it comes to bragging about how many activities one’s child is involved in. It also helps shift the focus to where it belongs—on our children’s sanity and our family sanity.
Possessions
This is a tough one because we all want to share our new possessions. However, sharing is often misunderstood as bragging, especially by children. We need to teach our children empathy and keep them mindful about not flaunting new possessions in front of those who cannot afford them. Role-play with your kids about how anxious they felt when a friend had something that they really wanted but couldn’t have just then. This type of mindful parenting helps children dial into the most important part of life—the human connection—and keeps both flaunting and anxiety at bay.
Raising children who are not defined by their achievements, busy schedules, or possessions starts with us—the parents. When we are proud, we should always temper our emotions and not convey to our kids that coming out on top is everything. Be sure that your emphasis on winning is not setting your children up for failure.
The post Flaunting Can Be Daunting appeared first on Tools of Growth.
