Emotional Cognition Theory (pt 9B) A New Psychoanalytic Therapy
I had to learn how to 'dial down' and do what I could -- not expecting too much -- but to do my part without feelings of exception.
(9B): More by S. Michael Kravitz and Susan D. Schubert on Emotional Intelligence Works: Developing "People Smart" Strategies
Internal problems may manifest themselves as 'spiritual' as well. We are not always in the physical, mental, and emotional world. There are times we may have to "pray" [or in other words use 'self-hypnosis'] to help change our perception about our dilemmas.
Please know that I differ with Dr. Kravitz in that I feel that emotions should be channeled instead of controlled. Specifically, when one attempts to control an emotion it is like putting a stopper on a closed system -- like closing up a steaming kettle. Eventually the closed system will build up pressure and explode. That is why in my view emotions should always be expressed if even just a little. Channeling allows for calm expression.
Let's now look at some adult problems. For a long while my wife, Leslie, had lived with a resentment which would not go away. She continued to relive the betrayal of classmates in the lunchroom of her middle school. Leslie perceived past ostracism, ridicule, and rejection from girls at her school and felt that it had bearing on how she felt about herself as an adult. Her experiences in 7th, 8th, and 9th grades quietly made her bitter as an adult.
Since these thoughts affected her spirit and would not go away they needed to be purged from her mind. Clearly it was needed for her to go forward with a more optimistic view of life. What did she do?
As an adult Leslie contacted a therapist and then a member of the clergy where she discussed her feelings and began to pray not only for the "kids" in her old middle school, but that her resentments would be lifted as well. By discussion, prayer -- and some 'self-hypnosis' the remembrances vanished. She could honestly feel the truth that we are all crazy in middle school and these things really did not matter. We could then go into a society of caring where each of us looked after each other.
At this point I need to make some disclosures about myself which I normally would not make. To unlock the past means that I have to use a certain amount of understanding. I have to describe some occurrences and situations.
Despite the fact that I had been raped, I still graduated in chemistry from Occidental College in Los Angeles in 1976. Those two facts alone do not preclude that they could never exist together. [It IS possible to graduate from college as well as be raped -- it just takes a certain amount of 'chutzpah' whether one is Jewish or not. In my case -- since I had to return to the scene of the crime to graduate -- it either took bravery or blind denial to do so.] Succinctly put, I faced emotions I could have avoided -- yet in the end -- the experiences led me to a specific acceptance of my Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Eventually, though, through years of work I was able to recover and face what I am today -- a continuously recovering man.
I also did not perform as I was expected to at Occidental. I was told by another more exceptional student (who had been chosen to study performance by admissions standards) that I was never expected to do as well as I did. Graduating with a 3.45 GPA I also was honored with the status of Cum Laude. This was a surprise even to me! It was difficult to understand that I could do as well as I did considering that when I was accepted to the school my background did not have the depth of other students. Many felt that if they worked they could achieve Summa Cum Laude -- I on the other hand only did the best I could. My limit "had been reached" -- in the school's 'admission's eyes.
All of this was corroborated when later in life I enrolled in a Human Services curriculum at a community college in Wilmington, Delaware. I was receiving average "C's" in work in a typing course. I did not have the brain-finger coordination which I wanted. At one point I had expected to be a straight "A" student -- now I was something less. I had never understood the 'exceptional' students at Occidental -- "Was it all in their heads?" Why could I never be what I wanted to be? Was I in the wrong "Divergence Battalion"?
As a result I had always felt 'different' from my classmates and peers. For this I have learned the value of having someone to 'confide in'. In 'Emotional Cognition Treatment' the therapist engages in 'active listening' with the client. Sincerely speaking -- only one person in my life has truly listened to me more than anyone else -- that is my Dad. At this writing, he is 94 years old and resting in a home in Fallbrook, California and I am in Wilmington, Delaware. Although our meaningful talks are over; the regard and love is still there and when we talk the old smiles and familiarity are still present. I will never forget the attention he gave me at a younger age!! And the only thing I can do? Pass it forward!
We learn how to listen -- not to 'reply' -- but to 'understand' !!:
Specifically what Dad did for me was just as good or better than what any therapist could have done. In an acceptable way -- mostly non-judgemental -- he encouraged me to accept myself. If I wasn't as good as the other students I should try my best anyways. If I couldn't type properly then I should find a way around it. If I didn't fit into society, then I needed to develop patience. "There's a place for us -- a time and place for us!" he would imply with an encouraging word. If there were something different about a person then the difference was there for a certain reason. Dad told me that he loved me and that if my God wasn't big enough than I could borrow his!!
As a result my expectations dissolved. As a result I can honestly say that I may have some genes in me that are 'autistic' in nature. As a result I changed my life -- stopped drinking -- reduced any medication I've been on -- made a priority of helping others -- had the humility to look for honest work -- became a lifeguard and taught kids how to swim for ten years. After that? Who knows where I'll go? It's no longer just up to me! I do not necessarily have to have my own path or have to set firm goals. To be flexible means to be ready for anything -- I need to be ready for you. We need to do this together -- we need to love others and help each other as well.
Concluding Remarks:
I want to practice my listening skills fairly, with respect, trust, honest energy, and caring. I want to feel for others and make our relationships be of value. Other than listening to you there may be no other way of serving you. Besides, how else would I ever know how to serve you if I did not listen first?
To build a team we must consider others as well as express ourselves. We have to do things for each other. Common goals come by listening, accepting, and caring.
In review, it is our intent to use emotions in positive and constructive ways. We must solve problems using both logic and feelings, have all people express their needs, and have calm, thoughtful and optimistic responses.
Working as a team we can 'play off each other', learn from each other -- and have all of us become better together.
Sincerely yours;
Respectfully submitted;
Robert N. Franz
See book linkage: amzn.to/1R1Oayq
Or for essays check link: amazon.com/author/rf3rd
(9B): More by S. Michael Kravitz and Susan D. Schubert on Emotional Intelligence Works: Developing "People Smart" Strategies
Internal problems may manifest themselves as 'spiritual' as well. We are not always in the physical, mental, and emotional world. There are times we may have to "pray" [or in other words use 'self-hypnosis'] to help change our perception about our dilemmas.
Please know that I differ with Dr. Kravitz in that I feel that emotions should be channeled instead of controlled. Specifically, when one attempts to control an emotion it is like putting a stopper on a closed system -- like closing up a steaming kettle. Eventually the closed system will build up pressure and explode. That is why in my view emotions should always be expressed if even just a little. Channeling allows for calm expression.
Let's now look at some adult problems. For a long while my wife, Leslie, had lived with a resentment which would not go away. She continued to relive the betrayal of classmates in the lunchroom of her middle school. Leslie perceived past ostracism, ridicule, and rejection from girls at her school and felt that it had bearing on how she felt about herself as an adult. Her experiences in 7th, 8th, and 9th grades quietly made her bitter as an adult.
Since these thoughts affected her spirit and would not go away they needed to be purged from her mind. Clearly it was needed for her to go forward with a more optimistic view of life. What did she do?
As an adult Leslie contacted a therapist and then a member of the clergy where she discussed her feelings and began to pray not only for the "kids" in her old middle school, but that her resentments would be lifted as well. By discussion, prayer -- and some 'self-hypnosis' the remembrances vanished. She could honestly feel the truth that we are all crazy in middle school and these things really did not matter. We could then go into a society of caring where each of us looked after each other.
At this point I need to make some disclosures about myself which I normally would not make. To unlock the past means that I have to use a certain amount of understanding. I have to describe some occurrences and situations.
Despite the fact that I had been raped, I still graduated in chemistry from Occidental College in Los Angeles in 1976. Those two facts alone do not preclude that they could never exist together. [It IS possible to graduate from college as well as be raped -- it just takes a certain amount of 'chutzpah' whether one is Jewish or not. In my case -- since I had to return to the scene of the crime to graduate -- it either took bravery or blind denial to do so.] Succinctly put, I faced emotions I could have avoided -- yet in the end -- the experiences led me to a specific acceptance of my Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Eventually, though, through years of work I was able to recover and face what I am today -- a continuously recovering man.
I also did not perform as I was expected to at Occidental. I was told by another more exceptional student (who had been chosen to study performance by admissions standards) that I was never expected to do as well as I did. Graduating with a 3.45 GPA I also was honored with the status of Cum Laude. This was a surprise even to me! It was difficult to understand that I could do as well as I did considering that when I was accepted to the school my background did not have the depth of other students. Many felt that if they worked they could achieve Summa Cum Laude -- I on the other hand only did the best I could. My limit "had been reached" -- in the school's 'admission's eyes.
All of this was corroborated when later in life I enrolled in a Human Services curriculum at a community college in Wilmington, Delaware. I was receiving average "C's" in work in a typing course. I did not have the brain-finger coordination which I wanted. At one point I had expected to be a straight "A" student -- now I was something less. I had never understood the 'exceptional' students at Occidental -- "Was it all in their heads?" Why could I never be what I wanted to be? Was I in the wrong "Divergence Battalion"?
As a result I had always felt 'different' from my classmates and peers. For this I have learned the value of having someone to 'confide in'. In 'Emotional Cognition Treatment' the therapist engages in 'active listening' with the client. Sincerely speaking -- only one person in my life has truly listened to me more than anyone else -- that is my Dad. At this writing, he is 94 years old and resting in a home in Fallbrook, California and I am in Wilmington, Delaware. Although our meaningful talks are over; the regard and love is still there and when we talk the old smiles and familiarity are still present. I will never forget the attention he gave me at a younger age!! And the only thing I can do? Pass it forward!
We learn how to listen -- not to 'reply' -- but to 'understand' !!:
Specifically what Dad did for me was just as good or better than what any therapist could have done. In an acceptable way -- mostly non-judgemental -- he encouraged me to accept myself. If I wasn't as good as the other students I should try my best anyways. If I couldn't type properly then I should find a way around it. If I didn't fit into society, then I needed to develop patience. "There's a place for us -- a time and place for us!" he would imply with an encouraging word. If there were something different about a person then the difference was there for a certain reason. Dad told me that he loved me and that if my God wasn't big enough than I could borrow his!!
As a result my expectations dissolved. As a result I can honestly say that I may have some genes in me that are 'autistic' in nature. As a result I changed my life -- stopped drinking -- reduced any medication I've been on -- made a priority of helping others -- had the humility to look for honest work -- became a lifeguard and taught kids how to swim for ten years. After that? Who knows where I'll go? It's no longer just up to me! I do not necessarily have to have my own path or have to set firm goals. To be flexible means to be ready for anything -- I need to be ready for you. We need to do this together -- we need to love others and help each other as well.
Concluding Remarks:
I want to practice my listening skills fairly, with respect, trust, honest energy, and caring. I want to feel for others and make our relationships be of value. Other than listening to you there may be no other way of serving you. Besides, how else would I ever know how to serve you if I did not listen first?
To build a team we must consider others as well as express ourselves. We have to do things for each other. Common goals come by listening, accepting, and caring.
In review, it is our intent to use emotions in positive and constructive ways. We must solve problems using both logic and feelings, have all people express their needs, and have calm, thoughtful and optimistic responses.
Working as a team we can 'play off each other', learn from each other -- and have all of us become better together.
Sincerely yours;
Respectfully submitted;
Robert N. Franz
See book linkage: amzn.to/1R1Oayq
Or for essays check link: amazon.com/author/rf3rd
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