Parenting with Empathy and Compassion
There is nothing complicated about being empathetic and compassionate. It simply means that when we are upset at our children, we need to, first and foremost, remember to put ourselves in their shoes. When we do that, our response to the issue automatically becomes compassionate or kind, which helps us get the message across more productively.
By directing anger toward our kids, we hurt their feelings and charge up their emotional temperature, which prevents us from tapping into their intellect and reasoning with them. This only leads to emotional and communication breakdowns, which affect their self-esteem, self-worth, and self-confidence, while leaving us with guilt and doubt.
If you need to use a firm tone of voice (say, if some challenging issue is a recurring one), by all means, do it. That’s your call. But be empathetic and compassionate while doing it. Choose your words so that, despite the issue, the kids still feel the notes of our unconditional love – for example, “I know you are a smart kid, but what you did was not smart at all. Please explain what happened.” This kind of mindful response keeps children’s hearts and minds open to sharing the details with you. It also keeps them open to learning from the mistake.
Empathy always precedes compassion. When we are empathetic, we are compassionate; one goes hand in hand with the other. And in the end, there is less emotional commotion, the kids recover faster, and they still feel our unconditional love and support.
Health guru Dr. Mehmet Oz says that the opposite of anger is not calmness; it is empathy. If we take a second to put that into practice, it becomes crystal clear that empathy is what ushers calmness into an angry situation. Compassion, then, follows right at its hells, soothing the emotion commotion and firing us our PGS (parental guidance system) – holding our hand so we can move quickly toward a resolution.
(Excerpt from The “Perfect” Parent: 5 Tools for Using Your Inner Perfection to Connect with Your Kids)
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