Blending Can Be Painful
Ever since I met my husband, fighting or arguing was something that we rarely did/do. The reasons I think that we don’t do much of it is because we both learned the art of compromise from our past marriages, he and I respect the hell out of each other, and the love we have for each other stifles the need for fighting. However, last night, we got into it about our children.
As I have said before, my husband and his kids are quiet, calm, and introverted for the most part. They don’t have a lot of deep conversations with each other and they aren’t touchy-feely.
Now, me and my two, on the other hand, are loud, direct, extroverted,touchy-feely, my kids tell me almost everything (no, I’m not nieve to know that I don’t know everything), and we have a very close relationship.
This is not to say that my husband doesn’t have a close relationship with his, it’s just different from mine. Mine is more obvious, I guess you could say and his is more behind the scenes.
So last night, my husband pointed out that my discipline could be a little stricter with my son especially. He also pointed out that I give into my children too much and a couple of other digs. Well, step back honey, because here I come . . .
When someone, even if its someone you love, throws beef out about your children, you go off, especially if you have just finished a shumaling.
“Um, well, let’s see, honey, your son worked for two days at his job, made $130, and then had the audacity to ask you for money for gas? WTF?! I have to give my son money each week and yes I know he doesn’t always use it for gas because he has not been able to find a job, although he’s applied at about 20 places. They just don’t seem to want to hire 16-year-olds much anymore.”
He came back with that he doesn’t mind giving his son gas money. Oh, that’s so freaking lame, darling. Is that all you got? You are being taken advantage of, something your older two do very very well!
After a back and forth about how he thinks me and my kids touchy-feely is weird and that he thinks it’s weird how much my kids tell me even if it is not something I really want to hear, we established that my sweet wonderful husband is a bit jealous of the close relationship I have with my kids. It took us a few more back and forths to get to that realization, but it made me sad. Very sad.
I pointed out that the relationship between a mother and her children is vastly different from that of a father and also that his ex is very much a factor in why his relationship with his kids is the way that it is. He’s not allowed to get close with them it seems because he is confounded at every turn, and I’m sure that has to do with the humiliation of his ex losing custody years ago for some very bad decision making. However, last night he decided that enough was enough and he was going to work on getting much closer to his kids. I think he has been rejected so much, he just wants to protect his heart.
I also pointed out that my ex is one of the reasons my kids may seem freakishly close to me sometimes because he was so unpredictable emotionally and his temper was fierce, I became not only their mother but their shield.
After all was said and done, we still love each other to bits, we love our kids, get frustrated with our ex’s, and will strive every day to continue to raise our kids with a calculated effort towards success and humble greatness while sidestepping all the shit that often gets thrown at our little blended family.
Hang in there all you families out there, it can often be a bumpy ride but don’t be afraid to talk to each other. Lord knows the world needs a helluva lot more communication these days.
Love y’all!! ♥
