“Mommy, I have a ‘boner’ to pick with you!”
Now, you may be wondering why I titled this in the way that I did and why on earth there is a picture of an ole saggy lady? Well, I’ll pull it all together here in a minute.
When my daughter was about 4 or 5 maybe, she had overheard someone say, “I have a bone to pick with you.” Not sure where she heard it from but when she blurted this out to me one day in the kitchen while making her lunch because I didn’t have any watermelon left, she said with a very serious pissed off face, “Mommy, I have a boner to pick with you!” I about fell out, y’all!
As I turned to look at my ticked off daughter with a scowl on her face and hands on her hips, I started laughing and couldn’t stop. At the time, she thought I was laughing at her and got even more ticked off and then said it again. Needless to say, I wet my pants.
So, today, I say this to gravity, “Gravity, I have a ‘boner’ to pick with you, dude!”
Now gravity is the phenomenon or the force that holds our precious bodies to our round Earth. It’s necessary, I get it, I don’t want to float out into the unknown atmosphere and explode or whatever happens out there if your gravity here on Earth fails and you find yourself floating away, but gravity, give us a damn break and go have a talk with water, would ya?!
When I’m in the pool with my husband, my girls float and I look damn perky. I like perky!
Gravity here’s why you need to have a talk with water, water is buoyant and makes things perky, as I have said but you, you little shit, pull everything so far down South that it makes me want to hang upside down for hours on end a day to maybe coax everything back up into place. Believe me, I’d try this if I thought it would help but I’d also be afraid that my head would explode from all the blood rushing to it.
And gravity, I’m thankful for you, I am, but I think you are just a damn over-kill! You have pulled so hard for so many years on so many of us that our lady bits are slightly unsavory and out of place. I miss my perky boobs and in the right place stomach and really gravity, it’s not all your fault because my belly got stretched from having two kids and my aged skin is losing its elasticity but shit, give me a break, would ya?
The plastic surgeons love gravity and I think they feed it something like steroids or fertilize it to make it stronger, I don’t know but damn it, plastic surgeons, are you guilty too? Are you in on this evil plot gravity just loves doling out to us innocent souls?
I don’t have the answers y’all but I will say this, gravity, it sure is a love hate thing with you and seriously dude, go talk to water and stay away from the plastic surgeons who are helping you get so strong, it’s not nice!!
My only saving grace is that love is blind and thank God for that because my husband tells me I am one hot goddess! LOL! God bless him, he’s really freaking blind!!
Love y’all!! ♥
