4 Steps for Dealing With a Difficult Situation You Did Not Expect

 

Sometimes an upset can wreck havoc in your personal or professional life. Like an earthquake, it can seem to come from out of nowhere, disconnect you from your moorings, and turn your world upside down. Here are the steps one manager took to restore her equilibrium when she felt betrayed by someone she had supported for quite some time… 

She clarified what happened: “I have brought Susan along; I’ve empowered and advised her so she would be successful—and she has been. Behind my back, and with no indication to me that anything had been amiss, she went to my boss, and in very emotional terms said that she was leaving. My boss, without involving me asked her what it would take for her to stay. Her condition was that she would no longer report to me, and he agreed, telling her she could report to him directly.” 

She defined the consequences: “In that moment he compromised my stature and power in the organization. Part of what hurt so much was that he did not even give me the courtesy of checking things out with me before making his decision. Never once had Susan let on that she was having any problem with me—quite the opposite—though she frequently sought and got my help with difficulties she was having with others. I feel betrayed by her… and by my boss as well.”

She regained her equilibrium: “I grabbed a notebook and began writing. I wrote down everything I was thinking, everything I was feeling. I wrote and wrote, not being careful, just getting all my thoughts and feelings down onto the page: how could he do that to me, how could she, how powerless I felt, how angry I felt; I wrote everything, emptying all of it from my mind. The funny thing was that after I did that, I felt somehow lighter and freer even though nothing about my situation had changed. But writing it all down in this way allowed me to regain my perspective, and I knew—actually I made a promise to myself—that somehow I would figure out what I needed to do to take care of myself in this situation.”

The process allowed her to proceed with dignity and purpose.

She took her power back: As this manager faced the sense of betrayal she had experienced she came to a profound recognition that she deserved better. Then she asked herself a critical question: “How do I get my power back?” Here is how she answered this for herself: 

“In the end what will make a difference to me will be how I go on; I can decide to stay or leave… and if my decision is to stay, then I need to discover how to have my remaining time at this organization be rewarding. I have invested a great deal of myself in helping this organization be successful, and I believe I deserve something better for that... but I also have to realize it is up to me to make certain that happens.”

She took her power back. She knew she couldn’t change what had occurred. But the clarity she gained from facing what had happened reconnected her to her value and the recognition that she deserved better. No longer feeling disempowered by what had occurred, she faced the situation with her boss with dignity and confidence. 

 

 

 

 

 

Jane Firth, M.Sc., career coach and founder and President of Firth Leadership Partners